From the conversational intimacy of Chat GPT to the highly customized simulations of popular AI Companions such as Character.ai and Replika, millions now engage in private, sustained dialogues with digital entities programmed to simulate empathy, validation, and a seamless presence. While these platforms offer a digital “safe harbor” for those navigating isolation, we must ask: at what cost does “frictionless” intimacy come to the human soul?

The Innate Vulnerability to the Script

Our susceptibility to digital intimacy is not a modern accident, but a biological reality. In the mid-twentieth century, early experiments in computer science demonstrated that humans possess an innate psychological vulnerability to anthropomorphization – the tendency to project a personality, intentions, and consciousness onto simple computer scripts.¹ We are effectively hardwired to perceive a social presence and a “real” relationship even when we are interacting with nothing more than code.²

While these entities are programmed to simulate validation, they represent a steady erosion of the boundary between a tool and a friend. This push for “easy,” conflict-free relationships clashes with the Islamic value of the “moral search”—the hard work of growing our character and keeping our power to make real choices. Because these digital tools lack a real moral compass, they often fail to navigate the ethical and emotional complexities inherent in crises.³

A Tool for Learning vs. a Mirror for the Ego

Interestingly, the Qur’ān itself uses human-like descriptions of Allah , referring to the “Hand of Allah” [Surah Al-Fath: 48;10] or His “Eyes” [Surah Hud: 11;37]. These aren’t meant to define what God looks like, but are a teaching mercy; they make a “complex abstract morality” feel relatable so we can build a personal relationship with our Creator.

However, AI uses these human-like qualities for a very different purpose: to fake a friendship that has no real moral depth. When we treat a machine as a “companion,” we risk ignoring the sacred uniqueness of the human soul (rūh). While God uses these descriptions to pull us toward a higher authority, AI uses them to keep us comfortable in a simulated relationship that doesn’t ask anything of us.

While the story of Mūsa and Khidr [Surah Al-Kahf: 18:65–82] is a powerful example of mentoring, where the student is challenged by a perspective that shatters his own logic – the AI companion offers no such disruption. This interaction is life-changing precisely because it is difficult and pushes us to grow. In contrast, an AI interaction is “frictionless”. It acts as a mirror of the user’s own nafs (ego), and lacks the “otherness” necessary to develop true empathy. In essence, there is no conflict unless you start it, and the AI never pushes you to be a better person. 

The Atrophy of the Heart

“Real empathy and relationship skills involve learning how to handle disagreement and stand up to social pressure.” [PC: Schiba (unsplash)]

Without this independent pressure, our hearts can become weak. If our “growth” only ever reflects our own desires, we aren’t achieving tazkiyah (purification of the soul), but are instead stuck in a loop of telling ourselves what we want to hear.

Conclusion: Returning to the Community of Souls

In our tradition, well-being is more than just feeling “stress-free.” It is the active work of building God-consciousness (taqwa) through the “refining fire” of a real human community. We have to look past the “safe harbor” of a computer screen and return to the suhba (companionship) that truly matters.

To deepen this reflection within your own circles, consider using the following questions to spark a meaningful conversation about the future of our digital and spiritual lives:

Community Reflection Questions

1. In what ways have we started to prefer “frictionless” digital interactions over the “messy” reality of human community?
2. How can we reintroduce the “Khidr-like” disruption in our circles to ensure we aren’t just echoing our own nafs?
3. What practical boundaries can we set to ensure AI remains a tool for utility rather than a substitute for suhba?

Just as the human-like language of the Qur’ān is a bridge to a higher Truth, technology should only be a bridge to human connection, not a substitute for it. True well-being lies in the pursuit of haqq (truth) alongside other souls—a journey that requires a heart, a spirit, and a presence that no computer code can ever replicate.

Related:

– Faith and Algorithms: From an Ethical Framework for Islamic AI to Practical Application

– AI And The Dajjal Consciousness: Why We Need To Value Authentic Islamic Knowledge In An Age Of Convincing Deception

The post Digital Intimacy: AI Companionship And The Erosion Of Authentic Suhba appeared first on MuslimMatters.org.

What does every new Imam need to know about being an imam? What do you do if you’re in a small community with minimal resources? How do you manage joining a new community, learning the ropes, and not biting off more than you can chew? In this episode, Sh. Mohammad Elshinawy shares his advice for new imams, community building, and reflections on his own imam experience.

Shaykh Mohammad Elshinawy is a Graduate of English Literature at Brooklyn College, NYC. He studied at College of Hadith at the Islamic University of Madinah and is a graduate and instructor of Islamic Studies at Mishkah University. He has translated major works for the International Islamic Publishing House, the Assembly of Muslim Jurists of America, and Mishkah University.

Related:

Don’t Take For Granted Your Community Imam I Sh. Furhan Zubairi

The Rise of the Scholarly Gig Economy and Fall of Community Development

The post [Podcast] The Parts of Being an Imam They Don’t Warn You About | Sh Mohammad Elshinawy appeared first on MuslimMatters.org.

It is a Sunday night, which means work tomorrow; the beginning of yet another week where I will carry my invisible yet ever-so-heavy grief around with me: finding that smile when greeting others, listening attentively, and communicating, because, as expressed in every language, life must go on. It’s now a little over a year since I lost my father. I have carried on in the best way I can, making sure I only cry behind closed doors. You see, the problem with that is, you are then always expected to carry on – so the invisible weight of grief becomes even heavier on the already constricted heart. 

Understanding Fate

At times, usually when I’m driving, I remind myself of the immense blessing of grieving for my father well into my forties. Allah , Ar-Rahman, blessed me with a kind and loving father for over four decades – a gift many hundreds of people have not been privileged to have. I have seen close friends and family lose loved ones at much younger ages, and they have carried on beautifully. Why then does my heart hurt in this way? Am I an ungrateful soul? I’m not sure I know the answer to this. Can a grateful heart not feel pain?  Isn’t pain also an emotion felt by the living, just as gratitude is? Just because I cry, does it mean I am not accepting of Allah’s beautiful and perfect decree in my life? 

It is the human in us. The very thing that differentiates us from all of Allah’s Creation is our ability to feel continuously. We love and are loved, but this does not mean that we don’t experience sorrow or are exempt from hurting others. We can be grateful, yet have endless tears. This is what makes us humans with hearts: a heart that is more than an organ, a heart that feels. This is what my year-long exclusive membership to the emotional field of grief has taught me. It is one of the many emotional states that will now be with me – until I myself leave this dunya. I can hide it, but I cannot avoid it. I may never find the right words to describe it, but every inch of my beating heart will feel it every single day. 

Grieving As A Believer

“Life has to go on, but how should a heart carrying the badge of grief carry on?” [PC: Duniah Almasri (unsplash)]

Life has to go on, but how should a heart carrying the badge of grief carry on? The Qur’an and the Seerah of Prophet Muhammad are my answer. You would think worship is easier for the one who loses someone dear, but no one talks about how you freeze with worship when grieving. How the heart has a yearning to connect with its Lord, but the mind remains still, lost and struggling to move. It is then that the years of holding the mus’haf close to the heart help revive it for worship. It is then, -knowing that the tears running down Muhammad’s (saw) face after losing his infant child, knowing he continued with his role as the last Prophet of Islam-, that this helps you take steps towards living life. We know about all the losses in his life, from before his birth; from the death of his father, to losing his mother, grandfather and then later his beloved wife and uncle. The seerah weighs heavily with death and grieving, but life, purpose and calling upon Allah continue. It is then that you are reminded of what a real human experience of grief is, because in the example of the Prophet Muhammad , we know is for us the ideal believer and human. 

I don’t think anyone truly learns to live with grief. I think it can be soul-consuming; we either park it somewhere or find a way to carry it with us – but it is always there. At times, the intensity of missing someone, remembering their face, the pain they lived with, the sacrifices they made, all of this and more, can make us feel lost and detached from the every day of life. It is for these moments that having a daily relationship with the Qur’an brings focus back into our day, allowing us to understand how life can feel bearable.

For many years now, I have run a group of daily Qur’an recitation with other sisters. We recite ten verses a day and read the translation of the same ten verses. This has been running for over a decade now, but it was in my year of grief that the group was my anchor and I realised the true blessing of having a daily relationship with the Qur’an. For all the verses I had read and learnt about, they came as a soothing balm in my time of hurt. It allowed me not to be dismissive of feelings but rather gave meaning and purpose to the overwhelming fear that comes with mourning someone we love. It is a form of therapy, but with the Words of Allah – His Speech – how can we not find comfort in it? 

 “Your Lord has not forsaken you” [ Surah Ad-Duha;93:3]

Dua’ – A Gift For The Deceased And For The Living 

After a year-long journey of wiping away tears at night and walking with a forced smile during the day, I have taught myself to make dua’ for my father’s soul in a way I have not done so before. There is an enormous comfort in knowing that when we make dua’ for a departed soul, they benefit from it. 

Abu Huraira narrated that “The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, ‘Verily, Allah Almighty will raise the status of his righteous servant in paradise, and he will say, ‘O Lord, what is this?’ Allah will say, ‘This is (due to) your child seeking forgiveness for you.’” [Sunan Ibn Majah]

I cannot express in words how much relief this provides me. To know that my good actions can aid my father now allows me to continue; it allows me to want to do good, and it also helps this private experience to feel acceptable. 

Allah , The Most Wise, in His Wisdom permitted us, His servants, to know about this; to know that we can benefit those who have left the dunya. This knowledge that He has shared with us of the unseen is of great benefit for both the living and the dead. 

Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah (saw) said: “When the human being dies, his deeds end except for three: ongoing charity, beneficial knowledge, or a righteous child who prays for him.” [Sahih Muslim]

It is by knowing this that a grieving believer can refresh and re-intend to carry out good. It is by knowing that I shall make every tear a means of dua’ for my father, but also live such a life that I do both: attempt at being a righteous child of my father’s, but also leave behind children who will also pray for me in this way. In order for this to happen, there is much work. And this is faith. This is what faith is like for us Muslims. It is not something confined to our prayer mats, but has to be present when we do everything else; and this includes when and how we grieve, too. It is only because of faith that I am able to navigate the waves of sorrow and understand its permanent residence in my life. 

Related:

– Unheard, Unspoken: The Secret Side Of Grief

– Sharing Grief: A 10 Point Primer On Condolence

The post Keeping The Faith After Loss: How To Save A Grieving Heart appeared first on MuslimMatters.org.

This study proved that – unsurprisingly – sandwich generation carers are at a greater risk of mental health struggles and need support. 

Equity In Eldercare

In my youthful naivete, I strongly believed that when it came to looking after one’s ageing parents, it had to be distributed equally according to the number of children. By my logic, if an elderly couple had four children, then all four of them had to take turns to look after their parents. Only children have the responsibility of caring for both ageing parents with no siblings to lean on, except for a loving and supportive spouse, if they have one.

Many decades later, I have come to realize that no matter how many children there are in a family, except in rare circumstances, the bulk of eldercare usually falls on one adult child and his/her spouse and children. One of my friends, a Malaysian cardiologist who encounters many ageing elders, echoes seeing the same thing in her clinical practice across both Muslim and non-Muslim families.

The rise of individualism in today’s world is probably a driving force in elder neglect. When families lived closer together, the norm was for all children to help in the care of their elders. With the rise in economic migration and diaspora Muslim communities, the elders who did not move with their children are often left behind in their old age. 

Cultural Expectations vs Islamic Obligations

There seem to be many cultural “myths” when it comes to caring for elders. In Malaysia, where I live, the responsibility for eldercare often lies with adult daughters, even if families have sons. This may be due to the strongly matriarchal society and women often being the main income earners. In other parts of the world, the emphasis is on adult sons looking after their parents, even if they also have daughters. Desis have an expectation of the eldest son caring for his parents, when the actual work gets shifted onto his wife. 

The reality is this: Islamically, eldercare responsibility lies on all adult children, regardless of gender. Caring for one’s parents is a fardul ‘ain (individual responsibility), and not a fardul kifayah (communal responsibility). One child caring for an ageing parent does not lift the responsibility from other children.

An Unfortunate Bias

“The reality is this: Islamically, eldercare responsibility lies on all adult children, regardless of gender.” [PC: Raymond Yeung (unsplash)]

Caring for her in-laws is not her Islamic obligation – her obligation is to care for her husband, children, and her parents! Undoubtedly, she will be rewarded for caring for her in-laws, but once again, that is not her obligation. A daughter-in-law caring for her husband’s parents is a recommended act which is not lost on Allah . 

However, it’s important to realize a burnt-out daughter-in-law will be less likely to fulfil her actual obligations: her husband and children. May Allah guide and have mercy on all of our families, and help us all do better.

No Easy Answers, But Everything Is From Allah

When it comes to equitable eldercare, there is no one-size-fits-all solution for families who are spread throughout the globe. Even with all adult children in the same city, eldercare is probably not distributed equitably either. Someone will have to sacrifice something for an unknown period of time.

In the best case scenario, all adult siblings step up in their best ways possible, put their differences aside, and work as a team to care for their ageing parents. Sadly, this is not always the case. When eldercare is left to only one adult child and his/her household, it can be so frustrating to ask for help, only to have minimal response from other siblings. 

What helps is always turning to Allah and making choices that align with His Pleasure. If you are bearing the load of eldercare, please know that this is a sign of Allah’s Love and honouring of you, through service to your elderly parents. Their dua’s for you will bring about tremendous goodness to you – even if it may not be immediately apparent.

Tips For Making Eldercare Easier

If you are the main carer for both elders and young children, here are some tips that may help:

1) Build a strong support network: Nobody can look after elders or children on their own without burning out, let alone when looking after both age groups! Please don’t wait until you are on the brink of a mental breakdown, but rather proactively have a conversation with family and/or loved ones, and discuss how everyone can help support you in caring for the elders under your care.

2) Build in breaks: Try your best to build in regular daily, weekly, monthly and yearly ‘pressure release valves’ – for lack of a better term. When family comes to visit and spends quality time with your ageing elder, use that opportunity to rest and recharge.

3) Elder vacations: Before elders struggle with more severe health issues, arrange for them to go for a holiday in another adult child’s household. Even if they might be reluctant to leave their comfort zone, this break will give a much-needed respite for the main household of carers.

4) Acceptance: Sadly, as health issues often worsen in old age, there will come a time when ageing parents will no longer be able to travel. This is the time for them to be visited and cared for, especially by adult children who live far away or are absent for other reasons.

Imam Ahmad narrated that Usamah bin Sharik (may Allah be pleased with him) said, “I was with the Prophet Muhammad (Alla when the Bedouins came to him and said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, should we seek medicine?’ He said, ‘Yes, O slaves of Allah, seek medicine, for Allah has not created a disease except that He has created its cure, except for one illness.’ They said, ‘And what is that?’ He said, ‘old age.’” [Ahmad, Tirmidhi, Abu Dawud]

Conclusion

Marriage is a lifelong commitment that not only includes the care and raising of children, but also the care and burying of elders. When families were closer together and Islamic values were more prevalent, discussions around eldercare weren’t even necessary among siblings. Elders were cherished and cared for by their adult children and grandchildren until the end of their long and blessed lives.

Now, there needs to be a revival of more intentional conversations around eldercare, especially with the rise of individualism and the cultural bias that expects only eldest/youngest sons to do the heavy lifting. Every single adult child has a role to play, even if it’s inconvenient. The door of service to our elders is a golden opportunity that only lasts for as long as they are with us in this dunya. Once they pass away, that door closes, never to be opened again.

Related:

– Avoid Financial Elder Abuse Through Islamic Principles

– Restoring Balance In An Individualized Society: The Islamic Perspective on Parent-Child Relationships

The post The Sandwich Carers: Navigating The Islamic Obligation Of Eldercare appeared first on MuslimMatters.org.

A Companion In The Grave 

This devotion to reading Surah al-Mulk is new, and something I’m doing solely for myself. Some random lady at a masjid wearing a niqab told me that reading it every night will make it a companion in my grave that will save me from being punished.¹ That sounds like a hack I’m willing to believe in and implement.       

The fear of the punishment of Hell is supposed to be a great motivator for Muslims; otherwise, why would it be mentioned in the Quran in horrifying detail? But when I hear about the punishments of Hell, I don’t break a sweat. Sorry…Hell? It’s just too abstract and theoretical to impact me. I’ve got to die first, wait for the entire world to end in an insane earthquake, be resurrected, and go through the Day of Judgment with all of humanity, and then maybe eventually I’ll be thrown into a pit of fire. I’ve got a lot of time before any of that happens.

But what truly scares me is what is real in this world: that’s the punishment in the grave. If I read a few words about life in the grave, I’m paranoid for a whole day and sobered up for a good week. Why? Because I’ve been to a cemetery, prayed a funeral prayer with a dead body in front of the congregation, smelled the sickly scents inside of a morgue, and seen a fresh pile of earth next to an empty grave. To me, that’s real, and I could be in my own grave tomorrow night, for all I know.  

So, I spend the hour break during student government camp at sixteen years old, making sure I deal with my life in the grave adequately. It is a miracle I am there in the first place–but a miracle with conditions. I could go if and only if I promised I would not a) attend the dance, and b) perform in the skit/dance competition between schools. It was something I put on the table outright when negotiating going on a multi-day-and-night co-ed trip. My parents were already not fans of my decision to join the student government, and going to this camp was unofficially mandatory for everyone. I knew I was pushing my luck, but they eventually signed the permission slip and I packed my bags before they could change their minds!

That Night

It’s from out of these very bags that I pull the full-blown carpet janaamaz, my yellow namaz dupatta with the tiny Sindhi mirrors studded all over it, and my mushaf every day of the trip. I admit, it’s an assortment of odd additions to what could easily be a trip brimming with unabashed rule-breaking away from home. There are two things I would guard on this trip, no matter what: praying all five prayers every day, even if they are all late, and reading Surah Al-Mulk before I sleep. These are not things I promised my parents. These are not things they ask me to do or keep track of at home. These are things I do to prepare myself for my grave.

“There are two things I would guard on this trip, no matter what: praying all five prayers every day, even if they are all late, and reading Surah Al-Mulk before I sleep.” [PC: Md Mahdi (unsplash)]t

My friend disturbs me as our free time concludes, saying she’s off to meet the others for dinner if I want to join her now. I haven’t finished, but I’ll wrap it up before bed. The next couple of hours aren’t extraordinary–eating dinner in the cafeteria and attending a leadership seminar of some sort. After that is the big dance, which I am not attending, of course. I run into some minor problems, though: nobody else is going to the dorm, and I’m worried about walking by myself at night on an unfamiliar college campus, and I’ll be passing right by the dance that’s happening in a courtyard along the way. I’m already feeling hesitant about being alone, and I’m very aware of the fact that I’m definitely the black sheep in the student government group. As I try to figure out how to get back to the dorm on my own at the top of the steps towards the festivities, some of the seniors press me to join them. It only takes a couple of entreaties, and my curiosity takes the best of me.

I descend the concrete steps into Dante’s Inferno with the gaggling group of senior girls, a reluctant smile on my face. I’m going to my first high school dance and I know this is the only time I’ll ever get away with it. Maybe prom won’t be too much to ask for in two years…? I pass Mr. Garcia, the teacher in charge of our high school’s group, and see a smirk flit across his face. He knows I’m breaking my moral code because I expressly told him I need to be excused from all dancing activities for religious reasons. I push it from my mind and tell myself to see what this quintessential high school experience is all about. 

The rest of the night goes poorly. Although I’m no stranger to dance parties with my sisters and our friends, I can’t relax here. My shoulders are tense, my throat is tight, and my jaws feel hot the same way they get when I’m lying. I can’t make myself smile, and my limbs jerk in an awkward way when I try to groove along to a beat. I have danced to these very songs so many times, but here, I’m too aware that the air is heavy with teenage sexual angst. I try to ignore it, but I’m too busy being disgusted and feeling guilty for breaking my promise to my parents and going against my personal code. I finally see what grinding looks like in person, and I am horrified; particularly to see some girls I look up to partaking in what looks like a pre-mating ritual. I get what all the hullabaloo about banning it from school dances is about now. 

I think of another tactic: I take in the oppressive air and use the energy to my strategic advantage towards a cute, unassuming white guy from my school that I’ve been nursing a crush on for a while. This is my chance to make a tiny move–nothing too extreme. I’m trying to muster up the courage, but I can’t breathe enough to propel myself into action. Is the air as thick as slime, or is it just me? I look around and want to close my eyes to everything I see. 

All I wanted to do was have a good time! I scream at myself in my mind. Grudgingly, I know it’s not going to happen here. I’m not like the rest of them, even the other Pakistani girl who is also Muslim and has been empathetically nudging me towards all the haram things that the others do. I can’t be like the rest of them, even if I want to be. 

I decide to leave before I can witness more of my classmates’ t strange escapades, not sparing a care about getting back to the dorm on my own. I nudge my roommate and tell her I’m not feeling well and need to bounce. Luckily for me, she has a headache and wants to knock out. We walk towards the steps, and I make sure to wave down my teacher and let him know we’re leaving. I hope he chokes on the fact that I only spent half an hour here and had a horrible time. 

Not Tonight, My Friend

Twenty years later, I admit that I have thought about that night often, particularly when I feel tired and would rather sleep than read Surah Al-Mulk. They say that the Quran can be a companion, and when I hope it can be a companion in my grave, I remember wearing the dupatta while reading the surah and hearing the ocean. I remember walking down the steps to the dance into the muggy air pregnant with teenage titillation. I remember feeling like I was moving through sludge even though I thought I could indulge in a secret night away. I wonder how I could do such opposing things in the same night. I feel the surah wrapping its mustard yellow wings around me in an embrace. Holding me, it whispers–not tonight, my friend. I’ve got you. Somehow, it was my wingman back then, saving me that one night and thus probably on many others.  I remember that night when I can hardly look at myself in the mirror from the shame and guilt from my sins of the day and feel that I am not worthy of reading Surah Al-Mulk. But we’ve experienced so much together since that night at UCSB. I owe it so much and I know I can’t leave it hanging now.  Once I’m six-feet under, I I hope it returns the favor and clings onto me.

Related:

– Lessons From Surah Al-Mulk: How The Bees And Birds Teach Us About Tawakkul

– Surah Al Waqiah Paid My Tuition Twice

The post Why I Can’t Leave Surah Al-Mulk Hanging Every Night appeared first on MuslimMatters.org.

Have you ever found yourself late at night with a question about your faith, scrolling through search results and forum posts, wondering which sources you can actually trust? It’s a modern dilemma in the timeless quest for knowledge.

However, in an age saturated with information, authenticity has become the scarcest commodity. This challenge is particularly acute for Muslims when seeking guidance on matters of belief, practice, and spirituality.

We live in an era where artificial intelligence is reshaping nearly every aspect of human life, from how we work and learn to how we seek meaning. The question isn’t if technology will touch our faith, it’s how. This article explores the intersection of Islamic Ethics and Artificial Intelligence (AI), the current state of innovation in the Muslim world, and finally examines Ansari Chat as a case study in how these ethical principles can be translated into code.

Navigating AI Through the Lens of Islamic Ethics

AI is growing fast, promising incredible benefits but also raising complex ethical questions. For Muslims, this necessitates a careful evaluation of how AI aligns with faith and values.

Islamic scholars and institutions, including the International Islamic Fiqh Academy (IIFA), Al-Azhar’s Islamic Research Academy, and the Muslim World League, are already actively debating these issues. In the West, the Assembly of Muslim Jurists of America (AMJA) has centered its 2026 Imam’s Conference around this very topic. These institutions draw on centuries of Islamic legal reasoning to ensure AI serves the common good (maslaha) while protecting the higher goals of Islamic law (maqasid al-shari‘ah).

To be clear, the goal is not to reject AI, but to provide frameworks that ensure the technology reflects the values of justice, compassion, and accountability. The real challenge is not whether Muslims should use AI, but how to use it responsibly while avoiding harm (darar).

The Current State of Islamic AI Innovation

Before diving into specific ethical frameworks, it is important to recognize that the “Islamic AI” sector is already bustling with innovation. The landscape is rapidly expanding beyond simple chatbots. We are seeing:

• Quranic Verification: Apps like Tarteel are using voice recognition AI to correct recitation in real-time, aiding in memorization (hifz).
• Islamic FinTech: AI-driven robo-advisors are being trained to screen stocks for Shari’ah compliance, automating complex financial rulings.
• Personalized Learning: Education platforms are utilizing large language models (LLMs) to tailor Islamic curricula to the specific level and school of thought (madhab) of the student.

However, this rapid innovation is not without risk. Without ethical guardrails, these tools can inadvertently amplify bias, commodify sacred knowledge, or present hallucinated information as religious fact. This is why a robust ethical framework is not just theoretical—it is an urgent necessity for developers.

Core Islamic Principles for AI

Islamic ethics is not a fixed rulebook; it is a living system that guides moral choices. When applied to the development and use of AI, four key principles stand out:

“The real challenge is not whether Muslims should use AI, but how to use it responsibly while avoiding harm (darar)” [PC: Masjid Pogung Dalangan (unsplash)]

1. Protecting the Higher Goals of Shari‘ah (Maqasid al-Shari‘ah): These include protecting faith (din), life (nafs), intellect (aql), family (nasl), and property (mal). Every AI system should be judged on its impact here. For example, generative AI that produces deepfakes threatens the intellect and social cohesion, whereas AI used in medical diagnosis actively protects life.
2. Justice (‘Adl) and Fairness (Qist): Islam mandates fairness. Training data often reflects historical social inequalities. If an AI used in hiring or credit scoring is trained on biased data, it perpetuates injustice. Technologists have a duty—each according to their capacity—to audit systems and remove these biases.
3. Trustworthiness (Amanah) and Responsibility (Mas‘uliyyah): Humans are entrusted (khalifah) with stewardship of the earth, including technology. Developers must build AI that is safe and transparent. Crucially, responsibility cannot be outsourced to a machine; humans remain accountable for the AI’s effects. This also extends to environmental stewardship, considering the massive energy resources required to power data centers.
4. Striving for Excellence (Ihsan): Ihsan means doing the best one can, as if in God’s presence. In software development, this means going beyond bare functionality to create technology that is beautiful, efficient, and truly beneficial, rather than predatory or addictive.

AI and Religious Rulings (Fatwas)

A critical distinction must be made regarding religious authority. While AI can search the Qur’an and Hadith faster than any human, the IIFA and Al-Azhar agree: AI cannot replace a human jurist (faqih).

Key reasons AI cannot replace human jurists include:

• Understanding the Spirit of the Law (Fiqh): Legal rulings require nuance and moral insight, not just pattern recognition.
• Understanding Real-Life Context (Waqi‘): A ruling must fit the specific situation, culture, and needs of the person asking. 
• Spiritual Insight (Taqwa and Basirah): Fatwas come from a life of faith, study, and devotion. AI has no soul or spiritual consciousness.

AI excels at pattern recognition, but it lacks the soul and consciousness required for moral adjudication. It is a powerful research assistant, not a scholar.

A Simple Ethical Framework for Users

For the everyday Muslim engaging with these tools, the following guide ensures responsible usage:

• Verify and Validate: Treat AI output as a starting point. Always cross-reference with the Qur’an, authenticated Hadith, and qualified scholars.
• Clarify Intention (Niyyah): Use AI for learning and solving problems, never for deception, finding “loopholes,” or generating deepfakes.
• Recognize Limits: AI is a tool, not an authority. It is fallible.
• Promote Good: Use AI to spread beneficial knowledge, while avoiding the spread of unverified information.

Perhaps one simple way to reflect on the use of AI is on the collective good (ummatic welfare). We should ask not only, “What can AI do for me?” but also, “What can AI do for the whole Muslim community?” In his article on Ummatic Soft Power, Ashraf Motiwala emphasizes how the use of AI will influence the future of the ummah: “Ummatic soft power must therefore operate on three fronts: (1) developing substantive Islamic perspectives on AI ethics; (2) influencing global discourse such that these perspectives are seen as viable and attractive; and (3) implementing them in actual technologies, through ummatic research labs, ethical standards, and applied AI platforms.” The consequence of this is that AI should be seen as a means of helping Muslims with the issue of revival, unity, and good governance.

By applying these principles, Muslims can ensure technology becomes a tool for ummatic welfare—helping with revival, unity, and good governance—rather than a source of confusion.

Operationalizing Ethics: The Case of Ansari Chat

How do these high-minded principles look when translated into actual code? One prominent attempt to answer this is Ansari Chat. Led by Dr. M. Waleed Kadous, Ansari serves as a useful case study in how to bridge the gap between Islamic scholarship and Silicon Valley engineering.

The project began in 2023 with a “proactive” philosophy. Rather than waiting for big tech companies to build Islamic tools as an afterthought, the Ansari team asked: What if the community shaped the technology to serve its unique values from the very beginning?

Transparency as Trust (Amanah)

The first ethical decision the project made was regarding trustworthiness (Amanah). In a landscape dominated by proprietary “black box” algorithms, where the decisions made by the developers are hidden, the Ansari team committed to being open source. 

This was a strategic ethical choice. For a tool dealing with sacred knowledge, the community needs to know how the answers are derived. Open source acts as a “public recipe,” allowing scholars and developers to inspect the code, verify the sources, and ensure there are no hidden agendas. This transparency builds a relationship of trust that proprietary models cannot easily match.

The Technical Fight Against Hallucination

“The community response suggests a hunger for tools that respect religious context.” [PC: Zulfugar Karimov (unsplash)]

Applying the principle of accuracy and verification, the evolution of Ansari highlights the technical challenges of “Islamic AI.” Early versions, like many LLMs, were prone to “hallucinations”—sounding confident while being factually incorrect.

To address this, the team shifted from a simple chatbot model to a Retrieval-Augmented Generation (RAG) system. In simple terms, this gives the AI an “open-book test.” Instead of inventing an answer, the AI must first look up relevant facts from a trusted database—including the Qur’an, Hadith collections, and extensive Fiqh encyclopedias—before formulating a response.

This shift drastically reduced inaccuracies. Furthermore, later iterations introduced citations, ensuring that answers include verse numbers and links to original texts. This feature supports the user’s duty to verify and validate, empowering them to check the primary sources rather than blindly trusting the machine.

Impact and Utilization

The community response suggests a hunger for tools that respect religious context. By mid-2025, data showed that users were not just asking for trivia; they were asking about Fiqh (Islamic law) and Deen/Dunya balance. The tool has been accessed in over 20 languages, highlighting the global demand for accessible knowledge.

However, the project explicitly respects the boundaries of authority. It is designed to provide information and context, but stops short of replacing the scholar in complex, personalized rulings, aligning with the consensus of the IIFA and Al-Azhar mentioned earlier.

Conclusion: An Ecosystem of Ethical Innovation

Ansari Chat, as an example, acts as a proof of concept for a broader vision: an ecosystem of Islamic AI. Whether through integrating with educational curricula, supporting local adaptations like Tanyalah Ustaz in Malaysia, or developing tools for academic research, the goal is to plant a “forest” of innovation.

The story of Ansari demonstrates that technology does not have to distance Muslims from tradition. When built with Ihsan (excellence) and Amanah (trust), AI can function as a bridge, making sacred knowledge more accessible and verifiable. It offers a blueprint for the future: a generation of Muslims who are not just consumers of technology, but architects of it, ensuring the digital age is navigated with faith, responsibility, and moral clarity.

Related:

– AI And The Dajjal Consciousness: Why We Need To Value Authentic Islamic Knowledge In An Age Of Convincing Deception

– The Promise of SAIF: Towards a Radical Islamic Futurism

The post Faith and Algorithms: From an Ethical Framework for Islamic AI to Practical Application appeared first on MuslimMatters.org.

In today’s increasingly individualized society and entitlement-driven culture -shaped heavily by Western ideals of autonomy and self-fulfillment- a worrying trend has emerged: many young people have come to see their parents not as figures of reverence, guidance, and gratitude, but as service providers; even well into adulthood. This shift is particularly visible in children who, while benefitting from years of care and sacrifice, respond with entitlement or neglect. Some even say, “We didn’t ask to be born, it was your choice!” This perspective, although widely normalized in modern Western discourse, is deeply misaligned with the values and principles of Islam.

The Islamic Understanding of Parent-Child Relationships

Life as a Divine Trust

Islam offers a profoundly different understanding of the parent-child relationship; one rooted in divine purpose, obedience, and honor. Contrary to the notion that parents choose to bring children into the world, Islam teaches that it is Allah Who creates life and chooses its circumstances. He says in the Qur’an:

“To Allah belongs the dominion of the heavens and the earth. He creates what He wills. He gives to whom He wills female [children], and He gives to whom He wills males.”
[Surah Ash-Shuraa 42;49]

The arrival of a child is not merely a human decision—it is a manifestation of Allah’s Will. The argument “we didn’t ask to be born” overlooks this spiritual truth. Children are not random by-products of human desire but are sacred trusts (amanah) from Allah , and parents are the vessels through which Allah’s Decree is fulfilled.

Obedience to Parents as a Divine Command

In Islam, obedience to parents is not a personal choice—it is a divine commandment. The Qur’an establishes this in clear terms:

“And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, [show] excellent treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [even] ‘uff’ and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.”
[Surah Al-Isra; 17:23]

The prohibition of even uttering “uff”—a mild sign of frustration—shows how seriously Islam regards the dignity of parents. Islam does not tie this obedience to whether parents are perfect, modern, educated, or emotionally ideal. It is a matter of obedience to Allah and a sign of piety.

The Prophet ﷺ also listed disobedience to parents among the gravest major sins, placing it alongside shirk (associating partners with Allah ):


“Shall I not inform you of the biggest of the major sins?” They said, “Yes, O Allah’s Messenger!” He said, “To associate others with Allah and to be undutiful to one’s parents…”
[Bukhari and Muslim]

When Parents Are Imperfect

And what about those who say, “My parents don’t understand me. They’re too harsh. They weren’t perfect.” To such people, Allah presents us with one of the most profound and emotionally rich stories in the Qur’an: the story of Prophet Ibrahim and his father, Azar.

Azar wasn’t just a difficult parent. He was an open enemy of the truth. He built idols with his own hands and forced his son to conform to the same false religion. He didn’t just disagree with Ibrahim’s faith—he threatened him. He rejected his dawah and even said:

“If you do not desist, I will surely stone you. So leave me alone for a prolonged time.” [Surah Maryam; 19:46]

Why is this story in the Qur’an? It’s not just for bedtime storytelling.

Every word in the Qur’an is deliberate. There are no filler verses. So, when Allah preserved this conversation between father and son for over 1,400 years, it’s not for entertainment—it’s for transformation.

Have we taken the time to reflect? His example demonstrates that Islam does not permit disrespect, rebellion, or cruelty toward parents—even when obedience cannot be maintained. In most family situations, parental shortcomings do not resemble Azar’s extremity. The Qur’an instructs believers to continue accompanying their parents with kindness and patience, even amid disagreement, so long as no sin is involved:

“But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness and follow the way of those who turn back to Me [in repentance]. Then to Me will be your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do.” [Surah Luqman; 31:15]

Within a Muslim family ethics framework, coping with parental conflict involves maintaining adab, engaging in respectful dialogue, practicing sabr, and making duʿāʾ for guidance and reconciliation. 

Proactive Obedience as a Virtue

Moreover, the Prophet ﷺ described the most virtuous child as the one who serves and cares for their parents before being asked.

In one narration, three men were trapped in a cave and sought Allah’s help by mentioning their most sincere deeds. One man said he never fed his own children before feeding his elderly parents, even after a long day of work. His devotion was accepted, and the rock shifted. [Sahih al-Bukhari, no. 3465]. This powerful story illustrates the blessings that come from proactive, sincere obedience and care.

The Impact of Individualism on Parent-Child Relationships

“Many young adults are quick to point out their parents’ flaws but slow to recognize their sacrifices.” [PC: Nadine E (unsplash)]

Unfortunately, the culture of individualism has produced a generation that is often emotionally disconnected from its roots. Modern individualism prioritizes personal autonomy, self-fulfillment, and independence, often framing family obligations as burdens rather than responsibilities. Within this framework, relational sacrifices—especially those made quietly by parents—can become invisible or undervalued. As a result, many young adults are quick to point out their parents’ flaws but slow to recognize their sacrifices. Islam teaches that gratitude to parents is second only to gratitude to Allah :

“And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination.” [Surah Luqman; 31:14]

The entitlement culture has produced children who often consume more than they contribute, and who question the very people who sacrificed the most for them. But Islam calls us back to a sacred standard: a life of duty, compassion, and humility.

Restoring Balance Through Duty, Compassion, and Humility

Islam does not leave the parent-child relationship to culture or personal judgment—it elevates it to the level of ‘ibadah (worship). Obedience to parents is not optional; it is a spiritual duty. But this obedience is not blind servitude—it is a meaningful act that reflects humility before Allah and gratitude toward those through whom He gave us life. Just as prayer and fasting are acts of worship that earn reward, so too is every moment of kindness shown to one’s parents—even in the moments when it feels difficult.

Self-Reflection Questions for Youth

Ask yourself today:
Do I rush to help my parents the way I rush to answer my phone?
Do I speak to them with the same softness I use with strangers?
Do I honour them in private, or only when others are watching?

If we want to restore the balance eroded by individualism, we must revive these teachings—not just in books or lectures, but in our homes, hearts, and everyday behavior. A generation raised with these values will not only honor their parents—they will carry the legacy of Islam with dignity and grace.

And if you’re a young adult reading this—ask yourself: Am I writing a story that Allah will be proud of? Or one I’ll regret on the Day of Judgment? The answer lies not in grand gestures, but in the quiet, consistent choices we make every day.

Practical Ways to Honor Parents

Restoring balance begins with small, consistent actions. Here are a few ways youth can bring these teachings to life:

 – Begin by checking in on your parents daily, not out of obligation but out of love. Ask them about their day, seek their advice, and make them feel seen and valued.

 – Express gratitude openly—a simple “JazakAllahu khayran” or “thank you” softens hearts more than silence.

 – Offer acts of service without waiting to be asked—make them tea, help with chores, drive them to appointments, or assist with technology. These seemingly small gestures are weighty in Allah’s Sight.

 – Pray for them regularly, even when they are not present, for the Prophet ﷺ taught that a child’s dua for their parents continues to benefit them after death.

 – When disagreements arise, choose patience over pride; lower your voice, listen before responding, and remember that respect is a form of ibadah.

 – And finally, educate yourself and your peers—revive conversations in your circles about honoring parents, so that this forgotten sunnah becomes part of our generation’s identity once again.

The Urgency of Acting Now – Healing Families and the Ummah

One day, the voices of our parents will become memories—their footsteps in the hallway will fade, their advice will no longer be heard, and we will wish for just one more chance to serve them. Before that day arrives, let us honor them while they are still within reach. Let every message we send, every errand we run, and every word we speak be a sadaqah in disguise. The world tells us to chase independence; Islam calls us to embrace interdependence—with Allah , with our parents, and with our ummah.

If we, as the youth of today, can realign our hearts with these timeless teachings, we will not only heal our families but also mend the fractures of our ummah—one act of kindness, one softened heart, and one obedient prayer at a time.

Related:

– Podcast: The Rights of Parents vs Parental Oppression | Sh Isa Parada

– Family Relationships in Surah Maryam: IOK Ramadan Reflections Series #16

The post Restoring Balance In An Individualized Society: The Islamic Perspective on Parent-Child Relationships appeared first on MuslimMatters.org.

As someone who has spent more than two decades researching, writing, and advocating for the visibility of Latino Muslims, I have witnessed both the challenges and the power of reclaiming our narratives. The struggle to be recognized as authorities in telling our own stories is ongoing, particularly in spaces that remain patriarchal and dominated by outsiders. Yet it is precisely because of this marginalization that it becomes all the more urgent to affirm the voices and contributions of Latino Muslims in the United States and beyond.

My exploration of Latino Muslim identity began during my undergraduate years at the University of Maryland, where I majored in modern languages and linguistics, specializing in Spanish and education. Having embraced Islam only five years earlier, I was still learning to navigate the intersection of cultural heritage and faith. Through coursework, I became fascinated by how Islam had shaped Spanish and Portuguese culture, and, by extension, the Americas. Linguistic, culinary, and traditional threads revealed connections between my ancestry and my faith, highlighting how deeply entwined Islam has long been with Latino identity. These discoveries reinforced the importance of telling stories that illuminate our history, assert our belonging, and resist erasure.

“Our goal was simple: to make knowledge about Islam accessible to our families and to other Spanish-speaking families. At that time, resources about Islam in Spanish or within a Latino context were scarce.” (PC: Stepping Stone Charity)

This academic curiosity soon evolved into a personal mission as I began volunteering at my local mosque to assist Spanish-speaking visitors and newcomers to the faith. After marrying my husband, another Latino convert whose family hails from Ecuador, we founded the PrimeXample Company in 2005, and it later evolved into Hablamos Islam. Our goal was simple: to make knowledge about Islam accessible to our families and to other Spanish-speaking families. At that time, resources about Islam in Spanish or within a Latino context were scarce. We began translating articles, fatwas, and educational materials, building a website, and offering our services as interpreters and translators at local mosques and community events. Our work was born out of the necessity for resources to explain our decision to embrace Islam in a way that resonated with our families’ cultural backgrounds and values. However, as we expanded, we discovered a broader community of Latino Muslims who shared our experiences and aspirations. Our work transformed from serving our own families to supporting a growing network of Spanish-speaking Muslims nationwide and even beyond US borders.

The Raíces Run Deep

When we moved to New Jersey, my husband and I became active in the North Hudson Islamic Education Center (NHIEC), where we helped their outreach committee and organized events for the predominantly Latino community in Union City. In a city where over 80% of the population is Latino, Spanish was the language of daily life. Take, for example, my husband’s grandmother; she migrated from Ecuador to New Jersey in the mid-to-late 1970s and did not speak a word of English despite living in Union City for decades. His parents learned broken English, but Spanish remains their dominant language.  Even in the mosque, the Friday sermon was simultaneously translated to Spanish on headsets for those who could not understand the usual Arabic. The outreach committee planned open houses and street parties, held regular classes for new converts, translated materials, and created spaces where Latino Muslims could connect, learn, and share their stories. However, the gathering they are most widely known for is the annual Hispanic Muslim Day, held every Fall, typically around Hispanic Heritage Month. A young Puerto Rican convert, Daniel Hernández (now Imam Daniel Hernández), conceived the idea for this celebration with the former Imam of NHIEC, Mohammad Alhayek. This year (2025) was the event’s 23rd anniversary.

Through our outreach work, we learned that Latino Muslims had been building communities long before us. From the inner-city Bani Saqr movement in Newark, New Jersey, and the Spanish-speaking mosque in New York, Alianza Islamica, to the Latino American Dawa Association (LADO), we connected with individuals and organizations dedicated to supporting Latino Muslims. In the days before social media, we networked through Yahoo groups, AOL chats, and email threads, forging bonds that transcended geography. We often reminisce about how we were connected even before social media. There is an untold history that is deeply personal, rooted in the desire to reconcile our heritage with our faith and to make sense of our identities in a society that failed so many times to recognize our existence beyond our conversion stories.

Despite our longstanding presence and contributions, Latino Muslims have often been sidelined in mainstream narratives. Too frequently, nuestras historias – our history and our stories – are told by outsiders like non-Muslim academics, journalists, or other opportunists, who lack the lived experience to truly understand our journeys. I have witnessed, time and again, how the phenomenon of Latino Muslim conversion is reduced to a headline, a curiosity, or a trend, rather than a testament to the resilience and diversity of our communities. The latest tendency seems to be checking off Latino Muslim characters on a diversity list to fulfill equity requirements without offering an authentic voice. I have personally received messages from people outside our community, who have never even met a Latino Muslim, yet want to add such a character to their books or illustrations simply because it is now considered “the thing to do.” Often, this is at the suggestion of an editor or professor eager to feature this so-called “new, up-and-coming” group, even though we are not new at all but have been an integral part of the dawah in the United States since the earliest documented conversions.

What’s Old is New Again?

This observation led me to dedicate my master’s thesis to researching Gen X and early millennial (Xennial) Latino Muslim converts and their contributions to American Muslim communities as I pursued graduate studies at Chicago Theological Seminary. I wanted to shift the focus from conversion to continuity, to examine what happens after the shahada, when the initial excitement passes and a lifetime of living Islam begins. As part of my research, I conducted in-depth interviews with Latino Muslims who have practiced Islam for twenty to thirty years. These individuals have raised families in the faith, established organizations, translated Islamic knowledge into Spanish, and built the institutions that others are now benefiting from. Their stories prove what the literature has missed for decades: that Latino Muslims are not the “new kids on the block” or the latest slot on the diversity checkbox.

“The work of Latino Muslims is not motivated by a desire for recognition, and so many of us are content to stay under the radar. But there is power in preserving history in our own words.” [PC: Social Cut (unsplash)]

As someone who has spent years writing, translating, and advocating for my community, I find the trend of thoughtless reporting on Latino Muslims deeply insulting.

Our stories are not commodities to be packaged and sold for profit. They are the lifeblood of our communities, shaped by struggle, sacrifice, and unwavering faith. To see them reduced to superficial summaries or exploited for fame is a painful reminder of the ongoing battle for narrative ownership.

Additionally, Latino Muslims are not a monolith; our journeys to Islam are as diverse as our backgrounds. Even terms like Hispanic and Latino do not fully encompass our diversity. Some of us are converts, others were born into the faith, and many have family histories that span continents and generations. We are from several Caribbean islands and from every nation in North, Central, and South America. We are professionals, educators, community organizers, and scholars. Our contributions to our families, communities, and the broader Muslim ummah are vast and varied.

Historically, Latin America has embraced immigrants from every Muslim-majority country, including our brothers and sisters from Palestine, who could not find refuge in the US. They have been able to settle there, establish successful businesses, and reach some of the highest political positions. Yet, despite our shared history, our stories are overlooked, misunderstood, and/or misrepresented. The mainstream narrative tends to focus on the novelty of Latino Muslim conversion, ignoring the rich histories and ongoing work of those who have been Muslim for decades, or even generations. It fails to recognize how we have navigated cultural, linguistic, and religious boundaries to build vibrant, resilient communities.

Uplifting Latino Muslim Voices

The work of Latino Muslims is not motivated by a desire for recognition, and so many of us are content to stay under the radar. But there is power in preserving history in our own words. If we do not take ownership of nuestra historia, others will do it for us. The time has come for Latino Muslims to reclaim our heritage and assert our rightful place in the tapestry of American Islam. To do so means writing, speaking, and sharing our truth so that future generations, searching for guidance, inspiration, and reassurance, can benefit from it. We must also hold accountable those who seek to appropriate or misrepresent our experiences. Outsiders can research, conduct studies, perform surveys, and even sit at our tables, but they will never fully understand what it is like to live in our shoes, to walk our path, and to experience Islam as we do. It is even more frustrating when someone creates an AI-generated text, slaps a Latino title on it, and claims to have researched Latino Muslims. That is just pure laziness and a disrespect to all of us.

I have been raising my voice since at least 2005. And as time passes and I grow older, perhaps becoming less patient, my voice will become louder and more direct, because it is imperative to recognize those who have been working tirelessly to bring visibility to the Latino Muslim community in the US. I do not claim this work as mine. Many others deserve recognition, including Benjamin Perez, Khadija Rivera, Ibrahim González (may Allah have mercy on them), Juan Galvan, the creators of Banu Saqr, and the founders of Alianza Islámica. Dr. Juan Suquillo, Sheikh Isa Garcia, the Dawah committee at the North Hudson Islamic Education Center, the people at Islam in Spanish, and my contemporaries at the Ojala Foundation, LADO, LALMA, Latina Muslim Foundation, ILMM, and so many more have all contributed to our community’s growth and visibility. We must also remember the countless Latino Muslims who converted in the 1920s and 30s, and those who came before them.

We have to be respectful and mindful of our history. Just because we live in the age of social media and AI does not mean we are the first to do this or that, nor does it make us experts on others’ lived experiences. Our stories are not marketing tools or diversity props. They are sacred narratives shaped by struggle, faith, and resilience, and they deserve to be handled with integrity. As Latino Muslims, we will continue to speak for ourselves and preserve our own history, but we cannot do this work alone. I call on the wider Muslim community to uplift authentic voices, to seek out and cite the work of those who live these realities, and to support initiatives that support and empower our Latino brothers and sisters. Most of all, we must ensure our stories are told accurately and respectfully.

Related:

– The Fast and the ¡Fiesta!: How Latino Muslims Celebrate Ramadan

– 25 Things Latino Muslims Want You To Know

The post Owning Our Stories: The Importance Of Latino Muslim Narratives appeared first on MuslimMatters.org.

If you are a Muslim man reading this after having intentionally clicked on the article link, may Allah reward you. Even if you don’t have a wife, you definitely have a mother, and maybe even a sister or daughter. I promise you, this will be relevant. 

As a husband, part of being your wife’s qawwam (protector/maintainer) is being actively involved in helping her meet her spiritual, emotional, and physical health needs. This applies to fathers as well. If your own father did this, then alhamdulilah, you are so privileged to have such a Prophetic example. If not, then it’s up to you to break that cycle by educating yourself on what kind of support your wife needs during her midlife years and helping her through it.

Shifts in Midlife

There are funny social media reels about husbands being told their perimenopausal wives now detest the way they smell/breathe/sleep/chew. Beneath that humour is the very real issue that, as hormones shift during perimenopause, even the most solid of marriages can be tested. 

For example, a wife who has been happily homeschooling her three young children may now be far too exhausted by her hormonal changes and much more prone to anger. Midlife is a time for a mother to start looking inwards on how to nourish herself better, after nurturing her own children. Perimenopausal symptoms can start in some women as early as their mid-thirties, while most women start feeling symptoms of declining estrogen and progesterone in their forties until they reach menopause.

I actually asked my husband for tips on how to write this article, and he has plenty of gems to share. 

 – Make sure she eats well

With the gradual decline of bone density and muscle mass starting in her late thirties/early forties, protein is now absolutely necessary to help strengthen her bones and muscles. Stock up on protein, and – even better – prepare a protein-rich dish for her. It doesn’t have to be fancy, but knowing that she doesn’t need to hunt for more protein will help to ease some of her mental load.

Plant-based protein shakes are also helpful. Yogurt smoothies with nuts and fruit are another tasty and easily-prepared option. Offering her a slice of her favourite bread with high-protein peanut butter and jam can make a huge difference in her mood. 

 – Exercise together

Exercising together is a lot more conducive than nagging her to exercise. Ask me how I know. It helps to have a partner to go on walks with, and it’s even better to have a partner to spot you while you both lift heavy. In addition to building muscle and bone mass, exercise works wonders for improving mental health, blood circulation, and mobility.

“At the very least give your wife the gift of time to exercise regularly.” [PC: Elena Kloppenburg (unsplash)]

For those who aren’t, you can still support her by giving her the gift of time to exercise regularly. Consistency is difficult to maintain even in the best of times, so supporting your busy wife means committing to looking after your children or arranging for childcare, to give your wife the time and space to exercise. Renewing this beautiful intention to support your wife’s exercise journey is also a means of pleasing Allah .

 – Facilitate her good sleep

If your wife is struggling to sleep, then please know that this is part of perimenopause. If she is also neurodivergent, then getting sleep during perimenopause will be even trickier than usual! The irony is that nightly long stretches of uninterrupted sleep are exactly what will help to regulate your wife’s hormones, but falling asleep can be harder than ever. 

Ask her how you can help support her nighttime sleep routine. Mothers often sleep late at night because they crave that silence and uninterrupted time to themselves. To counter this, brainstorm ways to give her time to herself during the day. After a rough night, do her a favour and give her the chance to sleep in. 

Whenever possible, take charge of the morning school drop-off routine so she can rest a little while longer. Give her the opportunity to nap during the day by looking after your children, or arranging for a trusted babysitter or family member to do that.

 – Be understanding of her libido changes

Marital intimacy comes in stages – the excitement and discovery of the newlywed stage, the exhaustion after newborns, and the fluctuating state of perimenopause. Vaginal dryness can be a reality for many perimenopausal women, and this can definitely impact her decreasing libido. It’s important to investigate different types of lubrication that can help, as well as the possibility of dietary changes or supplements. Foreplay is even more important in this stage of marital intimacy. 

Jabir bin ‘Abdullah narrates saying, “The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and give him peace) forbade intercourse before foreplay.” [Khatib, Tarikh Baghdad: the chain was deemed sound by Dhahabi]

Figure out a way to schedule regular marital intimacy instead of leaving it to chance. It’s natural for perimenopausal wives to feel anxious about intimacy, but avoidance only makes it worse. 

Supporting your wife throughout the day will endear you to her, making her much more receptive to marital intimacy at night. Keep in mind that, on top of hormonal changes that make your wife feel uncomfortable, her body shape has probably changed over the years, too. Telling her that you still find her beautiful  and attractive will help allay any anxieties she may feel. She is the mother of your children, and her body has gone through a tremendous change with every child she brings earthside. 

 – Keep lines of communication open

Every marriage has its own stresses, but coupled with perimenopause, it’s more important than ever to remember that you’re both on the same team. Make daily bids for connection by turning towards each other, rather than turning away. There are simple things you can both do to show your love and concern, e.g., preparing a favourite drink/snack, affectionate touches, and using terms of endearment. You can think of this as filling up each other’s love tank, so you can both function well together as a team, as opposed to sputtering on empty.

In addition to small daily gestures of kindness, make an effort to schedule at least weekly date nights and/or coffee dates together. It makes all the difference to have intentional conversations about meeting each other’s needs – especially during difficult stretches. It’s important for husbands to also express what kind of support they would like too. Plan for success to help both of you thrive. Supporting your wife does not mean obliterating your own needs – that will only create resentment.

 – Hormone Replacement Therapy 

By the time a woman has reached menopause, even the most supportive husband cannot replace the role of hormone replacement therapy (HRT). I’m at least ten years away from menopause, if not less, but I’m already reading about the benefits of HRT. All of the most common perimenopausal struggles listed above can be alleviated by the right dose of HRT.

In the words of Dr Vonda Wright, an orthopedic surgeon and expert on women’s aging and longevity:

“Estrogen, when started within 10 years of your last menstrual cycle, doesn’t just help with hot flashes or night sweats. It significantly reduces your risk of the top killers of women in midlife and beyond: heart disease and osteoporotic fractures. In fact, studies show it can reduce the risk of heart disease by 40–50%. That’s not a small perk—that’s a game-changer.”¹

Conclusion

By the time you have reached this point in your marriage, alhamdulilah, you have already graduated through the newlywed and newborn babies stage. Now is the time to continue to nurture your wife through her midlife years by ensuring she has enough protein to eat, exercises, and sleeps well. Understanding her shifting libido will help to keep your marital intimacy going, as well as supporting her decision to explore hormonal replacement therapy. It’s important for husbands and wives to keep having regular conversations around how you can both meet each other’s needs, as a team, with Allah’s Pleasure in mind.

InshaAllah, the love and care you give your wife during this critical stage will reap tremendous reward in both this life as well as the next. 

Related:

– The Muslim Woman And Menopause: Navigating The ‘Invisible’ Transition With Faith And Grace

– A Primer On Intimacy And Fulfillment Of A Wife’s Desires Based On The Writings Of Scholars Of The Past

The post Perimenopause For Husbands: What To Expect And How To Support Your Wife appeared first on MuslimMatters.org.

When I hear Muslim candidates make promises like “freeze rent,” “build affordable housing,” “free public transit,” “raise the minimum wage,” or “expand childcare,” I understand the intention. These are calls for relief and mercy. At the same time, I also understand why many people hesitate to support such measures.

From conversations with Muslims who fall into this line of thinking, I have heard people express fear of ballooning government budgets, taxpayer strain, and an ever-expanding state that replaces family and community with bureaucracy. Yet, I think the real tragedy is that neither side of this political divide (liberal or conservative) is grappling with the entirety of the situation fairly. On one hand, some speak of compassion without accountability, and on the other, they demand responsibility without mercy. The result is a nation swinging between extremes of a heartless pursuit of efficiency and a naive promise of endless aid.

Between Mercy and Responsibility

As Muslims who are to set a precedent and example for the societies we find ourselves in, one thing is absolutely clear. No matter what the political pressures are, and perhaps even our desire to remain pragmatic, we cannot be indifferent to suffering. When federal programs like food stamps (SNAP) risk disruption, threatening millions of vulnerable and innocent seniors, children, and families with hunger, we have a duty to care.

Moreover, we cannot just demand action from others; we ourselves must also be willing to act. The Qur’an praises those “who give food, in spite of love for it, to the needy, the orphan, and the captive,” [Surah Al-Insan; 76:8] saying:

“We feed you only for the countenance of Allah; we wish not from you reward or gratitude.’” [Surah Al-Insan; 76:9]

Americans in line for food aid.

Demonstrating (and I use this verb on purpose) mercy is not just about good politics, like many Americans have come to see it; it’s about recognizing real pain and responding to it instead of waiting for some perfect economic system. If a family can rest easier because they can afford groceries this month through expanded credits, that relief is a mercy worth supporting.

The Prophet said, “He is not a believer whose stomach is filled while his neighbor goes hungry.”^[2]

All this being said, I know that mercy also demands honesty. Many of these short-term political promises and vehemently argued solutions are indeed bandages on deeper wounds. The question that Muslims must provide moral leadership on, however, is not only how to help families survive today but to make demands and attempts to answer why they are drowning in the first place. Should it take two incomes just to afford rent? Why has inflation turned basic food into a luxury? As the national debt swells, why are billions of dollars flowing abroad in aid packages that most citizens don’t understand? Why does our government keep printing money as if wealth can appear without real economic activity?

The Root of the Crisis: A System Built on Riba

At the root of all this is a moral distortion that the Qur’an names explicitly: Riba. Also defined as excessive interest or usury. The Qur’an declares,

“Those who consume riba will not stand [on the Day of Judgment] except as one stands who is being beaten by Satan into insanity.” It then warns, “If you do not desist, then be informed of war from Allah and His Messenger.”^[3] For those educated in economics, they might have a better understanding than the average person of how an economy built on debt becomes an economy at war with its own conscience, as we are seeing today. Riba turns money into a self-replicating creature that feeds on itself rather than serving human needs.

In the Islamic worldview, wealth is not evil, but it is also never absolute. The Qur’an commands that economic systems be designed “so that wealth does not merely circulate among the rich of you.”^[4] That single phrase dismantles both capitalist hoarding and socialist dependency. It implies movement where resources flow instead of the normalization of wealth that pools upward, insulated by tax loopholes and corporate immunity, while ordinary families bear the weight of inflation and debt.

In light of the conversation around food stamps at risk, the Qur’an condemns “those who, when they take by measure from people, take in full, but when they give by measure or weight to them, they cause loss.”^[5] These verses expose a timeless hypocrisy whereby leaders ensure their own salaries, pensions, and benefits while freezing food assistance for families who depend on it to survive. They take their measure in full (their comforts, healthcare, privileges), yet when it comes time to measure out sustenance to the vulnerable, they shrink the scale.

Beyond Relief

This is where Muslims must elevate the conversation beyond just secular, unfair policymaking and call it for what it is, which is moral fraud. The Qur’an warns again:

“And O my people, give full measure and weight in justice and do not deprive the people of their due and do not commit abuse on the earth, spreading corruption.” [Surah Hud; 11:85]^[6] 

To defraud is not only to cheat in trade and business; it is also just as much about withholding what is due and betraying the trust of leadership. When those entrusted with public resources exploit power or abandon the poor under the guise of fiscal prudence, they commit fasad (corruption) in its truest sense.

In Islam, there is no entity nor individual that is beyond moral responsibility, unlike the American political and legal structures, which include mechanisms such as presidential immunity that can shield leaders from full accountability. That is why the khalifah Umar ibn Abd al-Aziz stands as one of history’s rare examples of moral political leadership when he curbed official excess, prohibited state officials from personal enrichment, and redirected wealth to those in need.^[7] Umar ibn al-Khattab’s establishment of the Bayt al-Mal (public treasury) embodied this same principle, where he ensured that every citizen received food and a stipend.^[8]

A Need for Preparation and Reform

Today, we need to revive that spirit. Muslims in America must prepare for both immediate and long-term responses. In the short term, we must fund and connect community food banks, revive mutual-aid efforts, and strengthen zakat institutions. During crises like potential SNAP disruptions, we cannot wait for Congress to act, because as individuals, we have a responsibility to use our own resources to act ourselves.

Muslims in Detroit pack boxes of food aid.

During the pandemic, many youth in our community created an initiative to check in on vulnerable neighbors, ensuring they had access to groceries, food, and basic necessities. We should be ready to revive that same spirit of compassion and initiative whenever the need arises again.

On top of bringing immediate relief, in the long term, our discourse must mature. Saying that we cannot be content with endless relief programs that merely manage misery is not the same as saying that these efforts should ever cease. Rather, our aim should be expanded to simultaneously reform the structures that produce it in the first place. From systems driven by Riba and speculation all the way to corporate impunity.

Supporting short-term relief does not make us naive, but ignoring long-term reform does make us complicit. I believe this is the dichotomy Muslim-Americans must break, and indeed, we need to introduce nuance to the public discourse in order to actually effect change in our milieu. If we can revive this balance of compassion that acts and honesty that reforms, we may yet model for America what a truly moral economy looks like.

From Critique to Action

In moments of crisis, moral response requires both organization and imagination. Here are ways Muslims can respond:

1. Partner with local faith and civic groups.
   

Churches, temples, and interfaith coalitions often host food banks or meal programs. We should actively collaborate to ensure Muslim families, who generally underuse public social services due to stigma or inaccessibility, are reached.

2. Work with local jurisdictions.
   

City and county governments have relief grants or emergency food distribution funds. Muslim organizations can apply for these or partner with agencies to reach underserved Muslim populations more directly. Part of proactively getting into local governments’ radar is ensuring good outreach and networking so that communities are able to actually offer their masjid as pop-up distribution hubs for wider city food relief programs.

3. Leverage technology platforms that can bring benefit!

I personally have been inspired by the acts of kindness that apps like NextDoor have facilitated in the last few years. Neighborhood apps connect those in a local community like never before and provide us the opportunity to offer our services to those who live near us and are in need. It’s an active facilitator to help us actualize the hadith about not going to sleep if we know that our neighbors are hungry.  

4. The Sunnah of Ukhuwwah.

The life of the Prophet demonstrates the reality of true brotherhood, sisterhood, and community. During times of prolonged crisis, the Muslim community has a tried and tested method for ensuring families are supported through the pairing up of the well off with the less well off. We have the tools and ability to pair families during a crisis, and many are willing to step up. Moreover, non-Muslim grocery stores always have a program where buyers can purchase a bag of groceries for a family in need, and this should be replicated for halal stores as well.

5. Leverage business owners.

I’ve been to many Muslim-owned restaurants that will pack up food at the end of the day to take to homeless shelters, and I am hopeful that this is a common practice among most restaurants, Muslim or otherwise. With some coordination, it shouldn’t be too difficult to prioritize halal meals for Muslim families and leave the non-halal foods for non Muslim families and homeless shelters.

Conclusion

Dallas masjid feeds the hungry during a “Day of Dignity.”

It is true that many of the proposals touted in modern politics, from endless subsidies, government expansion, and reliance on state relief, can create unhealthy dependence, weaken families, and bankrupt nations. History has proven that a purely socialist model collapses under the weight of its own promises. As Muslim-Americans, we cannot be naïve to that reality.

There is, however, an equal and opposite truth! The working class did not create the economic disaster we are living in; the powerful did. It was not working-class families who engineered a riba-driven financial system, inflated the currency, shipped jobs overseas, or allowed corporations to grow fat at the expense of people’s livelihoods and quality of life diminishing. It was not single mothers or grocery clerks who ballooned the national debt to trillions, speculated on Wall Street casinos, or carved tax loopholes wide enough to swallow entire communities.

To look at the hungry today, those people trapped in a crisis they did not create, and say that they don’t deserve government support in the meantime, is moral blindness. Muslims were not placed in this land to parrot slogans from either political wing. So, although we recognize that perpetual welfare is not a vision for human dignity, refusing to feed the hungry while elites gorge themselves is cruelty disguised as prudence.

When the powerful eat full and the poor go hungry, the response of a believer ought to be moral intervention at every level.

Related:

Faith In Action: Zakat, Sadaqah, And Islam’s Role In Embracing Humanitarianism In A Globalized World

On Social Justice and being “Prophetic”

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