If you are a Muslim man reading this after having intentionally clicked on the article link, may Allah reward you. Even if you don’t have a wife, you definitely have a mother, and maybe even a sister or daughter. I promise you, this will be relevant. 

As a husband, part of being your wife’s qawwam (protector/maintainer) is being actively involved in helping her meet her spiritual, emotional, and physical health needs. This applies to fathers as well. If your own father did this, then alhamdulilah, you are so privileged to have such a Prophetic example. If not, then it’s up to you to break that cycle by educating yourself on what kind of support your wife needs during her midlife years and helping her through it.

Shifts in Midlife

There are funny social media reels about husbands being told their perimenopausal wives now detest the way they smell/breathe/sleep/chew. Beneath that humour is the very real issue that, as hormones shift during perimenopause, even the most solid of marriages can be tested. 

For example, a wife who has been happily homeschooling her three young children may now be far too exhausted by her hormonal changes and much more prone to anger. Midlife is a time for a mother to start looking inwards on how to nourish herself better, after nurturing her own children. Perimenopausal symptoms can start in some women as early as their mid-thirties, while most women start feeling symptoms of declining estrogen and progesterone in their forties until they reach menopause.

I actually asked my husband for tips on how to write this article, and he has plenty of gems to share. 

 – Make sure she eats well

With the gradual decline of bone density and muscle mass starting in her late thirties/early forties, protein is now absolutely necessary to help strengthen her bones and muscles. Stock up on protein, and – even better – prepare a protein-rich dish for her. It doesn’t have to be fancy, but knowing that she doesn’t need to hunt for more protein will help to ease some of her mental load.

Plant-based protein shakes are also helpful. Yogurt smoothies with nuts and fruit are another tasty and easily-prepared option. Offering her a slice of her favourite bread with high-protein peanut butter and jam can make a huge difference in her mood. 

 – Exercise together

Exercising together is a lot more conducive than nagging her to exercise. Ask me how I know. It helps to have a partner to go on walks with, and it’s even better to have a partner to spot you while you both lift heavy. In addition to building muscle and bone mass, exercise works wonders for improving mental health, blood circulation, and mobility.

“At the very least give your wife the gift of time to exercise regularly.” [PC: Elena Kloppenburg (unsplash)]

For those who aren’t, you can still support her by giving her the gift of time to exercise regularly. Consistency is difficult to maintain even in the best of times, so supporting your busy wife means committing to looking after your children or arranging for childcare, to give your wife the time and space to exercise. Renewing this beautiful intention to support your wife’s exercise journey is also a means of pleasing Allah .

 – Facilitate her good sleep

If your wife is struggling to sleep, then please know that this is part of perimenopause. If she is also neurodivergent, then getting sleep during perimenopause will be even trickier than usual! The irony is that nightly long stretches of uninterrupted sleep are exactly what will help to regulate your wife’s hormones, but falling asleep can be harder than ever. 

Ask her how you can help support her nighttime sleep routine. Mothers often sleep late at night because they crave that silence and uninterrupted time to themselves. To counter this, brainstorm ways to give her time to herself during the day. After a rough night, do her a favour and give her the chance to sleep in. 

Whenever possible, take charge of the morning school drop-off routine so she can rest a little while longer. Give her the opportunity to nap during the day by looking after your children, or arranging for a trusted babysitter or family member to do that.

 – Be understanding of her libido changes

Marital intimacy comes in stages – the excitement and discovery of the newlywed stage, the exhaustion after newborns, and the fluctuating state of perimenopause. Vaginal dryness can be a reality for many perimenopausal women, and this can definitely impact her decreasing libido. It’s important to investigate different types of lubrication that can help, as well as the possibility of dietary changes or supplements. Foreplay is even more important in this stage of marital intimacy. 

Jabir bin ‘Abdullah narrates saying, “The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and give him peace) forbade intercourse before foreplay.” [Khatib, Tarikh Baghdad: the chain was deemed sound by Dhahabi]

Figure out a way to schedule regular marital intimacy instead of leaving it to chance. It’s natural for perimenopausal wives to feel anxious about intimacy, but avoidance only makes it worse. 

Supporting your wife throughout the day will endear you to her, making her much more receptive to marital intimacy at night. Keep in mind that, on top of hormonal changes that make your wife feel uncomfortable, her body shape has probably changed over the years, too. Telling her that you still find her beautiful  and attractive will help allay any anxieties she may feel. She is the mother of your children, and her body has gone through a tremendous change with every child she brings earthside. 

 – Keep lines of communication open

Every marriage has its own stresses, but coupled with perimenopause, it’s more important than ever to remember that you’re both on the same team. Make daily bids for connection by turning towards each other, rather than turning away. There are simple things you can both do to show your love and concern, e.g., preparing a favourite drink/snack, affectionate touches, and using terms of endearment. You can think of this as filling up each other’s love tank, so you can both function well together as a team, as opposed to sputtering on empty.

In addition to small daily gestures of kindness, make an effort to schedule at least weekly date nights and/or coffee dates together. It makes all the difference to have intentional conversations about meeting each other’s needs – especially during difficult stretches. It’s important for husbands to also express what kind of support they would like too. Plan for success to help both of you thrive. Supporting your wife does not mean obliterating your own needs – that will only create resentment.

 – Hormone Replacement Therapy 

By the time a woman has reached menopause, even the most supportive husband cannot replace the role of hormone replacement therapy (HRT). I’m at least ten years away from menopause, if not less, but I’m already reading about the benefits of HRT. All of the most common perimenopausal struggles listed above can be alleviated by the right dose of HRT.

In the words of Dr Vonda Wright, an orthopedic surgeon and expert on women’s aging and longevity:

“Estrogen, when started within 10 years of your last menstrual cycle, doesn’t just help with hot flashes or night sweats. It significantly reduces your risk of the top killers of women in midlife and beyond: heart disease and osteoporotic fractures. In fact, studies show it can reduce the risk of heart disease by 40–50%. That’s not a small perk—that’s a game-changer.”¹

Conclusion

By the time you have reached this point in your marriage, alhamdulilah, you have already graduated through the newlywed and newborn babies stage. Now is the time to continue to nurture your wife through her midlife years by ensuring she has enough protein to eat, exercises, and sleeps well. Understanding her shifting libido will help to keep your marital intimacy going, as well as supporting her decision to explore hormonal replacement therapy. It’s important for husbands and wives to keep having regular conversations around how you can both meet each other’s needs, as a team, with Allah’s Pleasure in mind.

InshaAllah, the love and care you give your wife during this critical stage will reap tremendous reward in both this life as well as the next. 

Related:

– The Muslim Woman And Menopause: Navigating The ‘Invisible’ Transition With Faith And Grace

– A Primer On Intimacy And Fulfillment Of A Wife’s Desires Based On The Writings Of Scholars Of The Past

The post Perimenopause For Husbands: What To Expect And How To Support Your Wife appeared first on MuslimMatters.org.

For Muslim women, this change can feel even more complex, entwined with cultural expectations, spiritual practices, and evolving family dynamics. While medical resources are rightly covered by our Muslim physician colleagues, this article explores the emotional and relational dimensions of peri- and post-menopause. It considers how these phases can shape marriage, parenting, and identity, and how Muslim women can navigate them with faith, support, and grace.

Understanding the Emotional Landscape

Menopause is not only a biological milestone. It is also an emotional terrain shifting under your feet. Hormonal fluctuations may bring:

• Mood swings and irritability. Sudden changes in serotonin levels can lead to emotional volatility.
• Anxiety or low-grade depression. Anxiety may arise from changes in the body or identity. Some women experience a quieter, deep sadness as menopause approaches.
• A sense of loss or dislocation. Fertility and youth are tied deeply to self-image and societal roles. The loss of natural cycles can stir grief or existential questions.
• Relief or liberation. No longer facing menstrual cycles or contraception concerns, some women describe a freeing sense of autonomy.

From an Islamic perspective, recognizing these emotions as valid, even while striving to maintain patience, can be healing. The Prophet ﷺ said:

“No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that.” [Bukhari and Muslim]

Women may also draw comfort from the lives of those closest to the Prophet ﷺ. Sayyidah Khadījah , for example, was a mature woman whose wisdom and dignity were deeply honored. The Prophet ﷺ remembered her long after her passing, saying:

“She believed in me when the people disbelieved, she trusted me when the people belied me, she shared her wealth with me when the people deprived me, and Allah blessed me with children from her and not from any other wife.” [Musnad Ahmad]

Her life demonstrates that maturity is not a loss but a stage marked by depth, contribution, and honor in the sight of Allah and His Messenger ﷺ.

Impact on the Marital Relationship

Menopause can subtly or dramatically shift the marital dynamic. The following highlights some of the how:

Intimacy and Libido

Changing oestrogen levels may decrease vaginal lubrication and arousal. For some, libido diminishes. This can cause:

• Discomfort or pain during intercourse, leading to avoidance or withdrawal.
• Hurt feelings, if either spouse misinterprets distance as rejection.
• Renewed opportunities, if couples communicate openly and explore alternative forms of closeness, such as affection, cuddling, conversation, and supportive touch.

The Prophet ﷺ reminded husbands and wives of their responsibility to one another:

“The best of you are those who are best to their wives, and I am the best of you to my wives.” [Tirmidhi]

This ḥadīth points to compassion and attentiveness as the norm for marital life. Together with the Qur’ānic ethic “live with them in kindness” [Surah An-Nisa; 4:19] and “you are garments for one another” [Surah Al-Baqarah; 2:187], it frames intimacy as a place for mercy, not pressure. In practice, couples can:

Menopause can subtly or dramatically shift the marital dynamic.[PC: David Dvořáček (unsplash)]

• Talk early and kindly. Use “I” statements about sensations and emotions (“I feel soreness / I’m worried I’ll disappoint you”) and agree on a shared plan for closeness during this phase.
• Prioritise consent and avoid harm (lā ḍarar wa lā ḍirār). If penetration is painful, pause. Explore solutions rather than pushing through pain.
• Broaden the meaning of intimacy. Affectionate touch, cuddling, massage, shared baths, and non-penetrative pleasure can maintain connection when penetration is difficult. Many couples also benefit from longer warm-up/foreplay, comfortable positions, adequate privacy and time, and lubricants (checking ingredients if that matters to you).
• Time it wisely. Choose symptom-lighter times of day; fatigue, hot flushes, or joint pain often fluctuate.
• Address the physical. A clinical check-in for urogenital symptoms, pelvic floor physio, sleep support, or treatment for dryness can make intimacy easier, and caring for health supports marital rights.
• Hold the fiqh balance. Spousal intimacy is important in fiqh, yet scholars also emphasize kindness, mutual satisfaction, and the prohibition of harm. Temporary adjustments or even pauses are recognised where there is credible hardship or illness, especially by mutual agreement. Rights are not a licence to coerce; they are a call to iḥsān (beautiful conduct).
• Reassure and repair. If an attempt is difficult, offer comfort, make duʿāʾ together, and try again another time rather than letting shame or resentment grow.
• Seek wise support. A faith-literate counsellor can help couples negotiate expectations, communication, and practical adaptations.

Menopause aware intimacy honors both fiqh’s regard for spousal rights and the Prophetic standard of gentleness, protecting wellbeing while keeping connection alive.

Role Shifts

Menopause may coincide with children entering adulthood, career changes, or a newfound quiet in the household. This may lead to a re-evaluation of marital roles. Some women flourish with more time for personal projects, worship, or deepening the spousal bond. Others feel unmoored without the familiar structure of motherhood. Husbands and wives benefit from acknowledging this inward journey and renegotiating roles with love and respect, guided by the Prophetic ideal of mutual support and kindness.

Parenting Through the Transition

For many Muslim women, parenting is a core identity. As menopause unfolds, children may be grown or nearing independence. This stage can feel like:

• Empty nest syndrome, an ache for purpose or belonging.
• Emotional tug as the mother, wanting to remain central in children’s lives while they claim their own time, space, boundaries, and identity, choosing how they live, what they believe, where they make home, whom they befriend or marry, and how they prioritize work, faith, and family.
• Opportunity for mentorship, duʿā, and building deeper, more balanced relationships, based on guidance rather than caretaking: checking in regularly without hovering, asking permission before offering advice, listening more than directing, making duʿāʾ by name for their needs, sharing skills or experience when invited, celebrating their independent decisions, agreeing healthy boundaries and rhythms of contact, and being available for practical help when requested.

The Prophet ﷺ said:

“When a person dies, all his deeds come to an end except three: ongoing charity, beneficial knowledge, or a righteous child who prays for him.” [Muslim]

As the family evolves, women may take comfort that their nurturing role continues through du‘a and guidance, even when the daily intensity of parenting diminishes. The Qur’ān also reminds us of the honour due to mothers:

“And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination.” [Surah Luqman; 31:14]

Community, Sisterhood, and Spiritual Identity

Menopause can feel like an invisible transition, often silent and rarely acknowledged within many Muslim communities. Yet opening dialogue can be transformative:

Menopause can feel like an invisible transition, but having peer support circles can help overcome isolation. [PC: Vonecia Carswell (unsplash)]

• Peer support circles, whether informal or virtual, allow sharing experiences of sleep troubles, mood changes, gratitude for newfound calm, and laughter about hot flushes.
• Imams or women’s counsellors knowledgeable in fiqh and women’s health can foster safe spaces to ask, “Is it permissible to pray when I am drenched in sweat? How do I manage fasting with hot flushes at suhoor?”
• Spiritual leadership repurposes this life stage. Older women can shape younger generations with wisdom, du‘a, and steadiness.

The Qur’ān itself honors the voice and concerns of women. When Khawlah bint Tha‘labah brought her distress to the Prophet ﷺ about her husband, Allah revealed:

“Indeed Allah has heard the statement of she who argues with you [O Muhammad] concerning her husband and directs her complaint to Allah. And Allah hears your dialogue; indeed, Allah is Hearing and Seeing.” [Surah Al-Mujādilah; 58:1]

This verse is a powerful reminder that women’s lived realities matter deeply in the sight of Allah .

The Prophet ﷺ also said:

“The best among you are those who learn the Qur’ān and teach it.” [Bukhari]

This opens the door for mature women to embrace teaching, mentoring, and guiding, drawing on their life experience to benefit the next generation.

Practical Strategies for Muslim Women

Here are some tangible ways to navigate this stage with resilience:

1. Educate yourself. Learn about symptoms, treatments, and self-care strategies, including diet, hydration, exercise, and sleep hygiene.
2. Open dialogue with your spouse. Frame conversations around feelings, not blame. Small shifts in communication can yield deep compassion.
3. Connect with sisterhood. Sharing breaks isolation.
4. Prioritize self-care and spiritual rhythm. Ensure you can observe prayer comfortably, even through sleepless nights. Some women turn insomnia into time for tahajjud, drawing strength from night worship. The Prophet ﷺ said: “The most beloved prayer to Allah after the obligatory prayers is the night prayer.” [Muslim]
5. Seek Islamic-medical guidance. Engage professionals who understand both health and faith. There are a number of Muslimah womb health and/or perimenopause experts and advocates online, such as Honored Womb, Fit Muslimah, and Barakah’s Womb.
6. Reimagine purpose. Let menopause be the prologue to new journeys such as mentoring, studying Qur’ān, or serving the community.

When to Seek Help

While mood changes and emotional shifts are normal, professional help is important if you experience:

• Persistent sadness or hopelessness that doesn’t lift.
• Severe anxiety, panic attacks, or escalating worry.
• Rage flashes – sudden, intense anger or outbursts that feel out of control, lead to verbal or physical aggression, or create fear/ongoing harm at home.
• Relationship breakdowns that feel stuck or irresolvable.
• Physical symptoms (e.g., sleep disturbance, pain, hot flushes) that significantly impact daily life.

Seeking help, whether medical or therapeutic, is not a deviation from tawakkul (trust in Allah ). It is a sign of wisdom and self-compassion.

Menopause is more than biological. It is a spiritual, relational, and emotional terrain that beckons Muslim women toward new chapters. It may stir grief or liberation, distance or newfound intimacy. It challenges identity and nurtures wisdom.

Within a faith that honors the dignity of every phase, menopause becomes an opportunity. By drawing on sisterhood, honest dialogue, renewal practices, spirituality, and faith-affirmed support, Muslim women can move through this shift with grace, finding in themselves new light, new connection, and renewed purpose.

Related:

– Purification Of The Self: A Journey That Begins From The Outside-In

– The Fiqh Of Vaginal Discharge: Pure or Impure?

The post The Muslim Woman And Menopause: Navigating The ‘Invisible’ Transition With Faith And Grace appeared first on MuslimMatters.org.

What is chaplaincy, anyway? And what do Muslim chaplains do? How do they fit into the grand scheme of the da’wah world? Zainab bint Younus speaks to Chaplain Sondos Kholaki about Islamic chaplaincy, the role of Muslim chaplains, and Ch. Sondos’s experiences in the field of hospital chaplaincy. This episode is a dive into more than just the medical healing you find at hospitals, but the spiritual healing journeys that also take place there.

Chaplain Sondos Kholaki serves as a hospital staff chaplain and a community chaplain in Southern California. She is a board-certified chaplain with the Association of Professional Chaplains (APC). Sondos earned a Master of Divinity degree in Islamic Chaplaincy from Bayan Islamic Graduate School/Claremont School of Theology. She is the author of Musings of a Muslim Chaplain (2020) and the co-editor of Mantle of Mercy: Islamic Chaplaincy in North America (2021).

Related:

The Bigger Picture: Understanding Loss, Sacrifice, and Purpose in Dhul Hijjah

Book Review – Mantle of Mercy: Islamic Chaplaincy in North America

Muslim Chaplains In An Evolving Profession

The post [Podcast] Hospitals And Healing: Islamic Chaplaincy | Ch. Sondos Kholaki appeared first on MuslimMatters.org.

The Short Answer

It is impermissible to vape or inhale smoke from electronic cigarettes for the following five reasons: 

1) It can be extremely harmful to one’s health because of the harmful substances often found in e-cigarette flavoring

2) It is classified as something that is unwholesome¹

3) It is a gateway to smoking cigarettes

4) It increases the risk of future addiction to other drugs, and 

5) It is a waste of one’s wealth on something that is harmful and has no benefit. 

Cigarettes, cigars, and shisha would also be impermissible for the same reasons.

The Background Of The Issue

Cigarette usage is at an all-time low among children and adults across the United States. Fifty years ago 42.4 percent of adults smoked. That number declined by more than half to 17.4 percent in 2014 and continues to drop.² This decline in smoking can be attributed to several different reasons, including prevention efforts aimed at young people, more scientific proof of the short and long-term health effects, increased cigarette prices, and anti-smoking laws.³ There is also a social aspect to the decrease in cigarette usage. 

Vaping and e-cigarettes [PC: Richard R Schunemann (unsplash)]

There’s a common misunderstanding that e-cigarettes and hookah are less harmful than cigarettes because of the absence of tobacco and a reduced amount of carcinogens. 

The Detailed Answer

It is impermissible to use e-cigarettes because of their highly harmful nature. Allah ﷻ tells us in the Qurʾān [Surah Al-Baqarah: 2;195],

“And spend in the way of Allah and do not throw [yourselves] with your [own] hands into destruction [by refraining]. And do good; indeed, Allah loves the doers of good.”, and

“O you who have believed, do not consume one another’s wealth unjustly but only [in lawful] business by mutual consent. And do not kill yourselves [or one another]. Indeed, Allah is to you ever Merciful.” [Surah An-Nisa: 4;29]

Based on these verses, the vast majority of scholars consider anything that causes tangible harm to the body to be impermissible. Similarly, the Prophet ﷺ told us, “Let there be no harm or any reciprocation of harm.” Although e-cigarettes may not contain tobacco they usually contain nicotine. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have even found nicotine in e-cigarettes marketed as containing zero percent nicotine. Nicotine, whether inhaled from an e-cigarette or a regular cigarette, is a highly addictive substance that has many harmful effects on one’s body. It can cause damage to the heart, arteries, and lungs, increasing the risk of heart attack, stroke, and chronic lung disease. Studies show that it also negatively affects cells, which can eventually lead to cancer.⁶ In addition, nicotine exposure at a young age may cause lasting harm to brain development, promote addiction, and lead to sustained tobacco use. A recent study found that trying e-cigarettes increased the odds that a teenager would also try tobacco cigarettes and become a regular smoker.⁷ E-cigarette vapor also contains several other harmful and carcinogenic substances such as formaldehyde. Some flavorings, such as diacetyl, have even been linked to lung disease.⁸

Since the vapor from e-cigarettes is demonstrably harmful it is classified as a substance that is evil, unwholesome, and unhealthy. Allah ﷻ has made permissible those things that are healthy and pure and has prohibited those that are unhealthy and impure. Allah ﷻ  says regarding the Prophet ﷺ, “Who makes good things lawful to them and bad things unlawful.” [Surah Al-A’raf: 7;157]

E-cigarettes may also be a gateway drug for some users, as their use is associated with the use of opiates.⁹

Purchasing e-cigarettes is also a huge waste of money on something that is impermissible. Being wasteful is prohibited. Allah ﷻ  tells us,

“O children of Adam, take your adornment at every masjid, and eat and drink, but be not excessive. Indeed, He likes not those who commit excess.” [Surah Al-A’raf: 7;31] Recent studies show that individuals who vape are more likely to try cigarettes, which would lead to even more waste of money.

Related:

– From The Chaplain’s Desk: Smoking Weed

– From The Chaplain’s Desk: Sayyid Al-Istighfar – The Greatest Dua For Seeking Forgiveness

The post From The Chaplain’s Desk: The Long And Short Of Vaping appeared first on MuslimMatters.org.

My sister had died due to negligence in a hospital in the US. In her full niqab and while pregnant, my sister was neglected in several ways that led to the loss of both her and her child. It was one of the saddest days of my life.

She was only recently married and we were all excited, days away from seeing our family’s first grandchild. However, despite her cheerful nature, beautiful personality, high education, and abundant generosity, she endured several negligent care provider decisions that led to the death of her and her unborn child. Decisions that could have been easily avoided.

The tragedy of losing my sister was mired by the discrimination that our family felt. Her death and the loss of her unborn child marked one of the most difficult periods of my life and sent me on my own difficult journey in my youth. My experience in non-Muslim environments where Islamophobia can brim just beneath the surface, has taught me valuable lessons on how to navigate the healthcare systems of the West and call for proactive advocacy for Muslims. I hope the following points help anyone fearing such discrimination.

Understanding the Challenge

For many Muslims, the healthcare environment can be fraught with the potential for bias, misunderstanding, and discrimination. Whether it’s due to visible symbols of faith like the hijab or niqab, or simply the cultural nuances that accompany our interactions, the impact on the quality of care and the dignity afforded to us can be profound. It’s essential that we, as a community, understand how to advocate effectively for ourselves and our loved ones, maintaining our moral agency and ensuring our rights are respected, especially during critical times of emergencies.

Here are some expanded strategies to help our communities step confidently into these often intimidating settings, ensuring that we can advocate for ourselves and our families effectively, and overcome biases.

1. Ask the Right Questions

Engage actively with healthcare providers by asking detailed and far-reaching questions about treatments, preventative measures, and all possible outcomes. This not only demonstrates that you are intelligent and involved in the care process, but also establishes a precedent of accountability. Your questions should be persistent yet respectful, showcasing a professionalism that demands attention but also respects the expertise of the staff so as not to alienate them further.

2. Learn to Speak Legalese

It’s crucial to convey an understanding of the legal implications of healthcare decisions.

Remember that Muslims navigate the world with Taqwa. We fear Allah , while a non-Muslim typically fears liability. Healthcare professionals generally operate within a framework of liability; showing that you are knowledgeable about legal consequences can ensure more meticulous attention to the care provided. Familiarize yourself with relevant healthcare laws and patient rights. Do not hesitate to mention that you are documenting interactions and care processes, as this can often prompt more diligent responses.

3. Smile, it’s Sunnah!

Maintain a positive demeanor! A smile can be a powerful social signal in disarming potentially defensive or biased healthcare staff. The Prophet reminded us of the virtues of smiling, and patience in challenging circumstances. Use kindness and a positive demeanor as your driving energy in your interactions. This approach does not diminish the seriousness with which you treat the care of your loved ones; rather, it opens channels for more humane and considerate interaction.

4. Know Provider Biases

Oftentimes, care providers demonstrate biases that are arguably rampant in the West where exorbitant educational loans required to attain medical degrees can lead to slanted decisions that are financially beneficial for doctors and hospitals, but may not necessarily prioritize or encompass patient needs.

Navigating healthcare [PC: Towfiqu Barbhuiya (unsplash)]

5. Seek out Advocates

Patient advocacy networks are usually in place to help patients in decision-making.

Many hospitals offer Patient Advocacy services. Engaging with these advocates can provide an additional layer of support and oversight, particularly useful in navigating complex and stressful situations. Ask information desks about patient advocacy services and the role of patient advocates in assisting with navigating the healthcare system, including how to find advocates who are sensitive to or share the patient’s cultural and religious concerns.

It doesn’t hurt to get acquainted with hospital administrators either. Ask information desks about escalation pathways, what the accepted channels are, and how to reach administrators, especially in crucial emergency and intensive care matters.

6. Tap into Local Community Support Systems

Leverage the support of local Muslim communities and religious organizations which often have resources and experience in dealing with similar situations. They can provide both emotional support and practical advice. Community leaders typically have contact with lawyers, doctors, and other impactful members who can give advice or further aid you in your critical situation. Hospitals also can have Muslim Chaplain services that can further your advocacy needs. In a robust and diverse Muslim community, no one must suffer their crises alone.

Remember that as famously generous as Muslims are in charitable causes, they too can be generous to individual community members, even if you have little reach or acquaintance with leaders or members. Feel free to contact an Imam with regard to your situation; you never know what help or solutions can come about. You can also look for legal support in dire situations from Muslim Advocacy Law Groups such as the Council for American Islamic Relations.

In conclusion, while the challenges are real and sometimes daunting, there is much that can be done to ensure that as Muslims, our interactions with the healthcare system are dignified, respectful, and just. By employing strategic advocacy, building robust support networks, and maintaining our composure and kindness, we can protect our rights and those of our loved ones effectively. In doing so, we uphold not only our individual dignity but also contribute to the broader struggle for fair and just healthcare.

InshaAllah, this guide serves as a beacon, empowering you to navigate these turbulent waters with confidence and faith. May it help you, and anyone else who might find themselves in similar circumstances. Ameen.

[Legal Disclaimer: The information provided in this article is for general informational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read in this article. The content in this article does not purport to offer legal or medical advice. We do not recommend or endorse any specific tests, physicians, procedures, opinions, or other information that may be mentioned in this article. Reliance on any information provided herein is solely at your own risk.]

Related:

– Access to Healthcare is a Muslim Issue

– Black Muslimah In Scrubs: A View From The ICU Ward

The post Navigating Healthcare In The US: A Muslim’s Guide To Advocacy appeared first on MuslimMatters.org.

Take yourself back to Ramadan of 2020; our “Covid Ramadan”. It was a precursor to lessons we had never dreamed of experiencing in our lifetimes. Our Covid Ramadan of social gatherings during suhoor, iftar, taraweeh, and, as well, Eid celebrations had vanished; while quarantines, and for some, isolation appeared.

It was mind-blowing. How could we not enjoy one another’s company in breaking bread together? How could we not open our homes, masjid doors to meet newcomers, and neighbors to share in our Ramadan? How could we not relax after iftar with our community while sipping tea before taraweeh? How could we not stand shoulder to shoulder, or, as in this senior’s case, chair to chair, in unison during salat al-taraweeh?

While it definitely was a lot to sort out, we made it through.

Looking back now, we thought it was tough. We thought we had experienced it all. But guess what, think again.

Writing this article has been challenging. My inner best friend, procrastination kept nudging me, “hold on, you’re missing something.’” Procrastination was correct. But during those writing blocks my inner best friend had turned further inward to grasping my lifelong companion, faith tied to fate. Procrastination was packed and out the door.

As the month of Ramadan 2024 steadily progressed, the daily incidents of injustices toward Gazans increased. Beginning with Gazans posting on social media requesting Muslims not to post food photos from suhoor and iftars (aka, let’s not rub salt in their ever-increasing wounds of loss, hardships, and difficulties we have not experienced).

Personal exchanges as well, gifted me with another perspective to reflect on. While having my vitals taken at my doctor’s office, the nurse asked me various questions about Ramadan. All very normal, valid, and relevant.

It was this question that hit me the hardest, however, in examining how I approach Ramadan. She genuinely asked me, “But when you eat at night, don’t you stuff yourself?”

I explained how it affects my metabolism, and how I gradually become used to the fasting along with the body changes, i.e., my stomach shrinks and overeating is a big turn-off. My mind was stuck on the question, “don’t you stuff yourself?” Every visual, spoken cry of Gazans replayed in my mind. The gradual loss of food supplies. The inhumane destruction of food. The refusals of food distributions. The water cut off. The starvation. All of it.

How could I stuff myself? How will I meet Ramadan this year? Which took me back to ask, were the tests of Ramadan 2020 sent to us to prepare for the gut-wrenching exams of Ramadan 2024? Such soul-searching tests are reminders for each of us to embrace the best of our abilities most especially this Ramadan.

We have numerous reminders to jump-start our souls into internal and external actions. Actions of dua’s from the heart. Actions of practicing what we preach.

The early Muslims were harshly forced into an embargo by the Meccans. They suffered severely in exile with grass, insects, roots, and shrubbery as sources of food. It was reported that ants ate the parchment detailing the unjust clauses of the proclamation by the Muslims, except for the wording in the Name of Allah .

The reference regarding the embargo against the early Muslims rewound in my mind, specifically with the brutality of which the apartheid regime of Israel has focused on Palestinians for over 75 years. It is most relevant now in Gaza and all occupied territories of Palestine.

It has often been relayed how Palestinians hold the highest levels of faith in Allah . Their trust, strength, patience, and perseverance are essential cores in their faith. How can we not follow their examples?

Because Ramadan is not, nor has it ever been, about the food.

It’s about digging deep into our relationship with Allah . Our relationship with ourselves, family, neighbors, community. The world. It’s about the blessings Allah has given us in striving to improve ourselves. To reflect on all of the blessings we see or know of and those we are not yet aware of in our lives.

As we (as Muslim seniors in particular) delve into the final days of Ramadan, consider these conversations, again and again, of pointers for an overall healthy Ramadan of mind, spirit, and body.

•  Time may be our companion in faith or our companion in stress. Take hold of the rope of Allah as your companion in faith by managing time to the best of your abilities.
• Continue to donate (more) in whatever ways are feasible to you financially and spiritually. Give monetary funds locally and internationally to Muslim organizations you are familiar with. Give spiritually more than you ever have before; a smile, kindness, a helping hand.
• Make continual dua’s for everyone. Pray on time.
• Muslim seniors, it is no embarrassment to utilize your time in taking naps. Naps are good as we age. They especially help us get through the fasting days and prayer nights to our goals of meeting the 29th or 30th day of fasting.
• Focus on your connection with Allah . Use this month to be alone with Allah . It’s really okay to decline an invitation for suhoor or iftar. While they are spiritually uplifting in bonding with community members, they can also be very challenging when witnessing waste of food, or disregard for our environment by not going green.
• Don’t waste water.
• Don’t overeat. Eat simple foods.
• For Muslim seniors with health challenges, make a doctor’s appointment when you can. Before, during, or even after Ramadan. Maybe schedule a tele-appointment. You may have diabetes, for example, and not sure how to approach fasting. As well, an appointment after Ramadan may point to health improvements made due to fasting. Diabetics sometimes find their blood sugar levels have vastly improved by leveling off to more of a safe zone. What a blessing of food for thought!
• Remember, your body has a right over you:

Narrated `Abdullah bin `Amr bin Al-`As: Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said, “O `Abdullah! Have I not been formed that you fast all the day and stand in prayer all night?” I said, “Yes, O Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ)!” He said, “Do not do that! Observe the fast sometimes and also leave them (the fast) at other times; stand up for the prayer at night and also sleep at night. Your body has a right over you, your eyes have a right over you and your wife has a right over you.” [Sahih al-Bukhari 5199]

• Meet each day striving to become closer to Allah . Read and absorb the Qur’an. Do you have a favorite scholar or series to gain knowledge from on YouTube, for example? The Ramadan Series from Yaqeen Institute with Dr. Omar Sulieman is full of inspiration and awe in continuing our education as Muslim seniors.
• Perform salat al-taraweeh as though it is our last because time is more significant now more than ever as a Muslim senior.
• We are living during a genocide during Ramadan. Something we would never have fathomed. Be a witness to the ongoing sufferings of Gazans, of Palestinians worldwide, and speak out. Fight the good fight.
• Make plenty of dua’, dua’, dua’… and as often as possible.

May our Ramadan be a blessing for each and every one of us, inshaAllah. Ameen.

Related:

–Avoid Financial Elder Abuse Through Islamic Principles

– 5 Ways You Can Still Have A Healthy Ramadan

The post Advice For Muslim Seniors On Ramadan: It’s Not About The Food appeared first on MuslimMatters.org.

Introduction

Within Muslim communities, mental health remains a topic often shrouded in stigma and misunderstanding, despite its importance in bettering our overall health. Mental health encompasses our emotional, psychological, and social well-being, influencing our ability to make decisions.¹ Many individuals tend to hold the misconception that mental health challenges can only be cured spiritually. However, this misconception is false and neglects the importance of professional support.² In fact, Muslims are encouraged by Islam to take care of their holistic health and well-being. It is crucial to discuss mental health in the context of Muslim communities, working to mitigate these disparities and promote Muslim mental health. Muslims may experience compounded mental health challenges due to their intersecting identities. Religious discrimination faced by Muslims can contribute to significant mental health issues including anxiety, depression, alcohol use, and subclinical paranoia.³ Additionally, American Muslims were found to have a high rate of suicide attempts.⁴ Just as our Muslim predecessors emphasized the significance of physical well-being, they also recognized and prioritized mental health, demonstrated through the rich Islamic history surrounding mental health.⁵ As a group of researchers at the Stanford Muslim Mental Health and Islamic Psychology (MMHIP) Lab, we aim to debunk the myths surrounding mental health and Islam, provide guidance on seeking therapy, and shed light on the types of mental health professionals available to support Muslims in their journey towards improved mental well-being.

Myth #1: “Seeking therapy is a sign of weakness or a lack of faith.”

Fact: Seeking therapy is a good step toward healing and bettering your overall health. It is not intended to decrease one’s faith; rather, it supplements our reliance on Allah by making use of the resources and assistance that are available to us.

Narrated Anas bin Malik: The Prophet ﷺ would say the following du’aa,

“O Allah! I seek refuge with You from worry and grief, from incapacity and laziness, from cowardice and miserliness, from being heavily in debt and from being overpowered by others.”

‏ اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنَ الْهَمِّ وَالْحَزَنِ، وَالْعَجْزِ وَالْكَسَلِ، وَالْجُبْنِ وَالْبُخْلِ، وَضَلَعِ الدَّيْنِ، وَغَلَبَةِ الرِّجَالِ

[Sahih al-Bukhari 6369]

This supplication illustrates the Prophet Muhammad recognized that emotions carry heavy weight. Psychological challenges, such as worry or grief, are not trivial emotions that we feel – they are significant. Therefore, we need to consider seeking treatment, while also asking Allah to protect us from these challenges.

Myth #2: “The Prophets were immune to psychological challenges”

Fact: The Prophet Muhammad experienced intense sadness in a year-long episode of bereavement after the death of his wife, Khadija , and his uncle Abu Talib. This period of intense grief is known as the “Year of Sadness”, highlighting the experience of the Prophet in coping with loss and sadness. His profound grief during this time demonstrates that even the most revered individuals can face psychological challenges. The Prophet taught cognitive reframing that can help us reduce the stigma associated with suffering. Abu Yahya Suhaib bin Sinan reported that: The Prophet said,

“How wonderful is the case of a believer; there is good for him in everything and this applies only to a believer […] and if adversity befalls him, he endures it patiently and that is better for him” [Muslim].

Myth #3: “Religious scholars can address all mental health concerns.”

Fact: While religious leaders offer valuable spiritual guidance, they may not have the specific training to address complex mental health issues. The Prophet said,

“There is no disease that Allah has created, except that He also has created its treatment.”

[Sahih Al-Bukhari 5678]

It is the responsibility of every individual to seek all possible treatments. Seeking help from mental health professionals does not undermine one’s faith or the role of imams. Mental health professionals, such as psychiatrists, psychologists, and social workers, receive clinical training in diagnosing and treating mental health conditions.

Who Should I See for Therapy?

Along with our community partner Maristan, the researchers at the Stanford Muslim Mental Health and Islamic Psychology Lab curated this flow chart with the intention of guiding a decision on which mental health professional would be the best to see. While this is not a comprehensive list of mental health professionals, it is a good starting point for anyone not familiar with seeking help for mental health issues they may be facing. We also realize that the answer to these questions may not be a simple yes or no, so we have provided some helpful insights to consider when answering them.

•  Have you been struggling with your mental health?

Whether it be due to work, school, relationships, or faith, struggling with mental health is something that many people experience. Answer yes to this question if you have been experiencing difficulties such as disrupted sleep, irritability, loss of joy, change in appetite, worsening physical symptoms, and/or low energy. These physical manifestations of worsening mental health are best treated as soon as possible. Answer no to this question if your mental health has been in a steady state.

• Are you in need of social services (financial or family related)?

Social services are typically accessed through a plethora of government agencies, depending on the state. Answer yes if you are facing difficulties such as food insecurity, are behind on rent or utility bills, and/or are having domestic problems. Remember, reaching out for help when you are in need is a sign of strength. Answer no if you feel comfortable with your ability to pay for food, electricity, and housing.

•  Are you having career or personal challenges?

Without proper guidance, some life situations can be difficult to navigate. We may feel stagnant and have no clear sight of what we want to do next. Answer yes if you feel like you are lacking purpose or direction in your life, or if you feel like you are not progressing in your career or personal life. Answer no if you feel comfortable with where you are in life and have clear goals and know how to reach them.

• Are you open to talking to a mental health professional?

Mental health professionals are helpful if you are struggling with a known mental health concern, or you just need a safe space to express yourself without judgment. Answer yes if your mental health or emotional concern is impacting your daily life and function. Answer no if you already have a reliable support system you can confide in. However, it is important to note that even people who have a reliable support system could benefit from therapy.

•  Do your mental health problems interfere with your ability to complete activities of daily living?

Moderate to severe mental illness can manifest in disruption of activities of daily living and should be addressed if they have gotten to this point. It takes courage to recognize and admit that we need help, even with the people closest to us. Recognizing that there is a problem and addressing it is the first step toward progress. Answer yes if your mental health struggles are impeding your ability to maintain your hygiene, prepare meals, communicate, dress, and/or use public transport.  Answer no if your mental health problems are not severe enough to impact your ability to complete activities of daily living.

• Would you be open to receiving medication as a part of your treatment?

When you are battling mental health issues, there are complex changes in brain chemistry at play. Medications can help to stabilize brain chemistry while you work on external factors through therapy and lifestyle changes. Answer yes if you are experiencing difficulties such as significant, persistent psychiatric symptoms such as depressed mood, anxiety, dysregulated eating, or disturbed sleep. Please be sure to consult with a psychiatrist before taking any medication to treat your symptoms. Answer no if you are not open to this and/or have consulted a psychiatrist about your symptoms already.

•  Do you need spiritual guidance?

Answer yes if you are looking to deepen your relationship with the divine, or to learn and grow in your personal spirituality. Answer no if you are content with your religious and spiritual beliefs and do not seek guidance in these areas.

•  Do you feel disconnected from your faith?

When dealing with mental health issues or mental illness, it is not uncommon to feel disconnected from our faith. Misconceptions that having a mental illness or mental health problems is a sign of weak faith also contribute to the feelings of distance. However, we know as Muslims that like any other illness, mental illness is a test from Allah and He only tests those He loves. Answer yes if you need advice on ways to become more connected to your faith and practical steps you can take to do so. Answer no if you feel comfortable with your faith.

Types of Mental Health Professionals

• Psychiatrist, MD or DO

Trained to diagnose mental health disorders and prescribe medication, psychiatrists are qualified to assess both the mental and physical aspects of psychological problems. As medical doctors, their form of healing often involves medication and some also offer talk therapy. Like most doctors, they typically accept insurance, and you can access them by scheduling an appointment.

• Psychologist, MA, PhD, or PsyD

Psychologists can help people learn to cope with stressful situations, overcome addictions, manage their chronic illnesses, and perform tests and assessments that can help diagnose a condition or tell more about the way a person thinks, feels, and behaves. Typically, they cannot prescribe medication and may not accept insurance. You can access them by scheduling an appointment.

• Social Worker, MSW or LCSW

Social workers provide social services, teaching, consultation, and other non-clinical social services to those in need. They can help to navigate government agencies that provide help to those in need and serve as advocates for their clients. They do not prescribe medication and may not take insurance. You can access them by asking your doctor to refer you to one or by contacting your local public mental health or behavioral health agencies.

• Marriage and Family Therapist, MFT

Marriage and family therapists treat a wide range of mental and emotional disorders, as well as addressing how those conditions affect relationships within a couple or family. They are able to provide both family and individual sessions to best assess and address the needs of their clients. They do not prescribe medication and, depending on the provider, may or may not take insurance. Marriage and family therapists can be accessed by scheduling an appointment.

• Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, MA/MS Counseling

Licensed professional clinical counselors work with people to overcome mental health, emotional, and substance abuse issues. They have a master’s degree in counseling or psychology and can perform individual, group, or family therapy. Counselors differ from psychologists in the assessments they conduct. While counselors will conduct a biopsychosocial assessment, psychologists will conduct comprehensive psychological evaluations since they have a doctoral degree in psychology. They do not prescribe medication and, depending on the provider, may or may not take insurance. You can access a counselor by scheduling an appointment.

• Islamic Psychologist, MA/MS, MFT, LCSW, Ph.D., PsyD, MD or DO + Islamic Psychology Training

Islamic psychologists receive the same training as other licensed mental health clinicians mentioned above plus have training in Islamic psychology, which is the study of the psyche from an Islamic perspective. Unless the Islamic psychologist also has psychiatric credentials, they cannot prescribe medication and may not accept insurance. You can access them by scheduling an appointment. Be sure to do your research beforehand, so you know that the person you speak to has formal Islamic Psychology training and the right knowledge to answer your questions.

• Life Coach, BA, and certification

Life coaches can guide you through the process of setting goals that will set you on a path toward a more fulfilling, meaningful life, and then hold you accountable as you work toward those goals. They are not professional mental health providers. They do not prescribe medication and do not take insurance. You can access them by making an appointment with a life coaching service near you.

• Religious Scholar, BA, BS, MA, MS, Ph.D., and/or Ijazah in religious studies

Religious scholars provide religious and spiritual guidance to people. The title “religious scholar” can include, but is not limited to: sheikh/sheikha, imam, mufti, alim/alima, and ustadh/ustadha. They are not professional mental health providers unless they are dually trained as one. You can typically access your local scholar by making an appointment to speak with them. It is important to do your research beforehand, so you know that the person you speak to has the right knowledge to answer your questions.

[For more information and Muslim mental health resources, go to: https://maristan.org/resources.]

Conclusion

Addressing mental health within the Muslim community is critical for fostering general well-being and reducing stigma. It is essential to clear up myths and misconceptions surrounding mental health and Islam. Seeking treatment is not a sign of weakness or a lack of faith, instead, it may bring us closer to our faith.⁶ The Prophet Muhammad experienced challenges, like so many of us, and emphasized the importance of managing grief and stress. While religious scholars offer vital spiritual guidance, they might not have the specific training needed to handle complex mental health concerns. Working with mental health specialists alongside religious scholars provides for a more holistic approach.

This article’s flow chart offers guidance on what type of practitioner may be appropriate when wanting to seek therapy. Mental health practitioners, such as psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, and life coaches, offer unique approaches when it comes to mental health care. It is important to consider searching for a mental health professional that is right for you. Some mental health professionals can incorporate an individual’s spiritual and religious concerns, while others may be experienced in serving a specific subset of the population. Understanding their roles and qualifications can help individuals make informed choices about seeking support.

By openly discussing mental health and seeking appropriate care, we can create a supportive environment that encourages people to utilize their faith alongside other resources to improve their psychological well-being. We hope that this article serves as a resource to promote understanding, compassion, and improved mental health outcomes within the Muslim community.

Related:

– Our Struggles – Mental Health And Muslim Communities | The Family and Youth Institute – MuslimMatters.org

– Suicide and Mental Health in the Muslim Community – MuslimMatters.org

The post Cultivating Mental Well-Being in the Muslim Community [Part I]: Debunking Myths, Steps Toward Seeking Support appeared first on MuslimMatters.org.

I am hesitant to share here the most intense moments of my grief, as all my sorrows are only with my Creator, and I hope this post is not taken as a complaint.

For as long as I can remember, going back 25 years, my every ‘ibaadah of Ramadan was with my girls. When the time of Ramadan started, I had to tighten my belt, meaning I  flipped my switch to an extra active mode -going between my roles of a nurse, a cook, and fulfilling my extra spiritual Ramadan duties. 

Two of my kids were born during Ramadan and one was born just before. 

Their younger years were so much fun for me as a new mom; the excitement of teaching them to stand in salah next to me, doing tasbihat holding them in my lap, or finishing up all household chores and doing my prayers while the kids were asleep.

***

Then came the diagnosis. 

My three beautiful daughters -Abeerah, Khansa, and Zahra- were diagnosed one after the other (after growing normally until the age of 4) with a rare genetic disorder called Sanfilippo syndrome (also known as mucopolysaccharidosis type III or MPS-III for short). Children with MPS  are missing one specific enzyme the body needs to break down molecules called glycosaminoglycans, which as a result accumulates and causes damage to the cells of every organ in their central nervous system -including the brain-, resulting in them slowly losing all their abilities and then eventually death.

We were told that they would not make it to age 13 but Allah knew better, and gave us extra years with them. Alhamdulillah 

All three have recently returned back to our Lord. 

***

Ramadans immediately post-diagnosis heralded for me an extremely hyper and sleep-deprived stage where life was always on a fast track. My biggest concern was their safety and well-being, even building a safe room which became our main area for everything. I would start my salah on the prayer rug facing the qibla, but ended up facing God-knows-where, or even on the floor as one of the children had either pulled the rug away or were climbing on me during sujoods, or with them all gathered on the rug front of me with their toys and leaving no room for me to prostrate. In those years, I mastered the skill of praying with the loudest noises or learned to ignore Barney playing in the background – learning that it’s okay to make up the extra sajda or even rakah, in case I had missed the count. 

As they grew older and become very sick, it became so much harder. I remember the struggle of trying my best to reap the most benefit of Ramadan as possible while keeping up the most ‘normal’ time for the rest of the family. I had to juggle between making suhoor, ‘ibadah, and iftar. Including the iftars for family or friends invited over for big iftar gatherings at our house, suhoor for the staying guests, Quran study, taraweeh prayers – all this along with taking care of three very sick girls hooked onto many running machines, while also keeping an extra eye needed for an Autistic boy on the constant move and who (still) hardly ever sleeps, continuously messing something somewhere or trying to break the locks to escape.

I remember 

• How many times I had to turn the stove off from cooking suhoor to run and suction one choking girl; clearing the air airway and then getting right back to cooking. A simple fried egg sometimes took me three stages to finish.
• How many miles I had to walk or run back and forth from the kitchen to the girls’ bedroom during suhoor or iftar prep, either checking on them, monitoring oxygen levels, or changing their sides as they would develop pressure sores quick.
• How many times someone handed me a date to open my fast while I was dealing with a seizure or caring for one after a grand mal seizure. 
• How many times someone had to shout out louder through the noise of 3 loud machines for me to please drink a sip of water as the time suhoor was ending. 
• How many salat (prayers) I had to break to attend to one of their choking incidents, oxygen drops, or when their oxygen tanks needed changing.
• How many times I didn’t even remember that I hadn’t had my dinner, or those uncountable times getting up from the table in the middle of a meal to take care of sick children, and then ending up losing my appetite. 

Every moment -Yes, EVERY SINGLE MOMENT- of Ramadan reminds me of them. 

Every juzz I open in my mushaf to read has some sort of memory left there – either in the form of a torn corner of the page (or even an entire page), or the many marks or folded corners on almost every page that reminds me of why I had to do that then.  

Even the Fridays of Ramadan, especially the last Friday (jummah tul widah) would remind me of how we used to make it so special; dressing up the girls in new outfits (hand sewn by me) and listening to Surah Kahf together by our favorite reciters.

The struggle and anxiousness of making just one night’s taraweeh in the masjid from an entire Ramadan (after the difficult search of finding the right babysitter), felt like found gold.

Such beautiful times…. 

Now I can make an entire fried egg in one shot. I can read my entire salah (prayers) without needing to break many times, and now my prayer rug stays in place (although Ammar still climbs on my back, not realizing how heavy he is now).

Ramadan is the hardest time for me in those memories because:

• I miss that sweetness of the closeness of Allah through those struggles
• I miss that joy and sakoon feeling that comes with the presence of a house full of angels 
• I miss that pouring of blessings all around us especially in my time and in rizq 
• I miss that peace in my heart that I felt in those overwhelming days
• I miss that delight in all my broken worship hoping to find the even the tiniest pleasure of Almighty.
• I miss that pleasure even in my sleepless nights/days and how I never felt tired
• I miss that struggle when you are up trying to catch Laylat ul Qadr on those odd nights, but end up cleaning vomit and poop. 
• I miss that height of satisfaction from those last days and in dua’s

There is no sweetness of imaan (faith) like that in your pleasure of worship amidst all of your trials. 

Yes, I am grieving hard for missing all of those beautiful blessings that have now gone along with my girls. I know they are in a better place now free of all suffering, and we are content with the will of Allah ; looking forward to the day we meet again. But it doesn’t mean they are not missed here.

Our Prophet Muhammad ﷺ would say: 

إنَّا للـهِ وإنَّا إلَيْهِ رَاجِعُونَ، اللَّهُمَّ أجُرْنِي فِي مُصِيْبَتي، وأخْلِفْ لِي خَيْراً مِنْهَا

“We belong to Allah and to Him we shall return. O Allah! Compensate me in my affliction, recompense my loss and give me something better in exchange for it.” Ameen

May we all be strengthened with the understanding that being blessed does not always mean that we live without all the disappointments and difficulties of life. Sometimes those difficulties are your biggest blessings.

Related:

– When Children Die: On Tragedy, and What is Reported about the Death of Believing Children – MuslimMatters.org

– The Forgotten Sunnah Of Raising Stepchildren: Reflections On The Death Of My Stepson – MuslimMatters.org

The post Difficulties Are Our Biggest Blessings: Notes From A Bereaved Mother With Three Calls From Jannah appeared first on MuslimMatters.org.

The mention of Ramadan immediately conjures certain feelings and images for Muslims around the world. Many look forward to the family and community gatherings that are increased during the month. Some are eagerly anticipating the feelings of closeness to Allah that can intensify, fueled by an increase in worship and a decrease in focus on food throughout the day. ‘Starve the ego, feed the soul’ as they say. Images of certain foods specific to Ramadan might also appear in one’s consciousness. It is a time when many people find joy in feeding others as well as partaking in their favorite foods at the time with which to the open the fast. 

However, for many people, it is not warm, fuzzy feelings that emerge during this time, but feelings of anxiety and dread. For people who have had a challenging relationship with food outside of Ramadan, it can often be intensified during this month as there is a great deal of focus on either eating or not eating throughout the thirty days. 

Some of the more common eating disorders that come to mind when they are mentioned are anorexia and bulimia; the former consisting of severe dietary restriction, and the latter including recurrent episodes of binge eating. Although both have a component of fear of gaining weight, there is much more beneath both conditions, and ideally, people will work with a team of professionals to heal. 

“An Unhealthy Focus on Eating Healthily…”

Another condition that has become more visible and common in the past few years is ‘orthorexia.’ A basic definition of this is, ‘an unhealthy focus on eating in a healthy way.’ Many people are falling into this pattern more after the advent of the internet. One cannot spend even ten minutes on social media without coming across someone -often a self-proclaimed health expert (without any formal medical training)- telling us which foods are good to eat and which foods are bad to eat. This advice is often given as a blanket statement without any mention of ‘check with your doctor before doing xyz.’ In fact, a 2017 study demonstrated that ‘higher Instagram usage was associated with a greater tendency towards Orthorexia Nervosa.’

PC: Charles de Luvio (unsplash)

This is not surprising as there are posts vilifying nearly every food group. One day it’s gluten, one day it’s dairy, one day it’s soy, corn…, etc. That’s not to say that certain foods may not agree with certain people’s bodies. But, when one gets in the habit of making sweeping generalizations about any food without taking into account the person eating it, it is bound to cause confusion. We need only to look at the comedians to see what satire their latest comics contain and one that comes to mind is a meme showing what a gluten-free, dairy-free, sugar-free meal looks like….and it’s a plate of ice. 

This leaves people feeling defeated, stressed, and hopeless when it comes to knowing what they should eat. This feeling of frustration can be heightened during Ramadan as people are presented with all kinds of delectable foods at breakfast time as guests in people’s homes, masajid, and other functions. 

Some signs and symptoms of orthorexia can include, but are not limited to:

• Self-esteem is based on eating healthy foods
• Increasingly critical and more rigid about eating
• Feeling as if certain foods are dangerous
• Feeling guilt or ashamed when unable to maintain diet standards
• Loss of interest in activities once enjoyed because they are solely involved in eating healthy
• Thinking critically of others who don’t follow a strict diet
• Spends extreme amounts of time and money on meal planning and food preparation
• Total elimination of entire food groups in an attempt to eat clean
• Avoidance of social events involving food due to fear of being unable to comply with diet
• Has severe anxiety about how food is prepared

Overcoming the Struggle

So, how do we manage food and our relationship with it during the month of Ramadan? My general advice is that I don’t advise using Ramadan as a time to start a new diet or exercise routine. It could very well lead to even more stress during a month where the focus is ideally the soul and eternal salvation. That being said, there are some small adjustments that can support us in having the energy we need this month to optimally benefit. Some of them can be focused on before Ramadan, and some during.

It is important to work closely with one’s personal physician, especially if one is confused about what to eat. As I mentioned earlier, some foods do not agree with certain people’s bodies and that can be a real thing. However, is a person unable to tolerate gluten because of true celiac disease (which requires absolutely strict avoidance of gluten or the consequence could be damage to the small intestine)? Or, does one have a non-celiac gluten sensitivity which means that the body is reacting to some component of gluten, but not to the level of celiac disease? There are tests that your doctor can perform to help sort this out. 

If one finds that their body is reactive to many foods (sometimes this is found on food allergy tests), it could point to an unhealthy gut or an overactive nervous system that will react to anything, including supplements. The former requires some work on healing the gut, and the latter may include work on calming down the nervous system, and/or therapy. 

PC: Valeriya Avdeeva (unsplash)

These are questions that one should look into well before Ramadan, and if Ramadan has already started, don’t make it a source of more stress. Mindset and dua’ can support one’s interaction with food by making dua’ to get the benefit from whatever food we are eating, and that anything that is not beneficial leaves our bodies with ease. A quote I once read about food encompasses this beautifully, “The only relationship we should have with our food is one of gratitude.” We avoid vilifying any food and labeling it as, ‘bad.’ as even sugar (one of the frequently vilified foods) could be a much-needed source of life for a starving person. 

1. Focus on adding in things that can be supportive to one’s body during Ramadan, rather than focusing on what one feels they must avoid. For example, if the food at the iftar party consisted of many fried foods and foods one does not normally eat a lot of, see where some greens could be added in. Perhaps the post-tarawih snack that many people have after a few hours of praying. Suhur is also a good time to add in nourishing foods. This helps to take the focus off of fearing certain foods and flips the script to see how many choices there are and adding in nourishing foods. 
2. With the long fasts, and little time to actually eat during the day, it is almost challenging to overeat. A bigger challenge for some is to ensure adequate hydration. A good rule of thumb for water intake is usually about eight glasses a day. If one cannot reach this goal in Ramadan, one can still fast. The human body can go days without drinking in reality. We are talking about optimizing energy in this case. 
3. Breathing is so important. Of course, we are all breathing whether we are conscious of it or not. But, we are often not taking in full diaphragmatic breaths, which can be accomplished by filling the abdomen with air and then the chest. When we are stressed, we don’t fully breathe, and this can lead to fatigue. Even pausing throughout the day for a few good, complete diaphragmatic breaths can leave us feeling more energized. 

All this is to say to keep things simple in Ramadan. Our intention for this month is to focus on Allah , the Quran, and to maximize our time in worship. When it comes to food and drink, tying them to our intention can support us in making decisions. I don’t recommend starting a new, vigorous fitness program in Ramadan, or deciding this is the month to eliminate gluten, dairy, soy, corn….etc.; unless either of those will support one in their worship. There are eleven other months in the year when one can expend hours of time and energy to complete in-depth fitness and nutrition programs. 

May we all benefit from the month of Ramadan and come out with a sound heart, mind, and body inshaAllah.

Related:

– Eating Disorders And Ramadan: Debunking The Myths, Mechanisms To Cope – MuslimMatters.org

– 4 Eating Habits You Should Avoid This Ramadan – MuslimMatters.org

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For many, Ramadan is one of the most spiritual and highly anticipated times of the year, but it can also be a very challenging time for Muslims grappling with an eating disorder. Ramadan can be used as both a way to enable and discourage further negative mental health-related behavior by people who struggle with these disorders.

Despite the rich Islamic heritage of mental health contributions, discussions on mental illnesses today continue to be considered taboo for many Muslims. As such, when people decide not to fast due to an illness, they can become further stigmatized¹. For individuals with more acute eating disorders, fasting can trigger a relapse. The challenge for many is that they may try to hide their eating disorder behind the veil of fasting, which can leave a person feeling lonely and even further displaced from their faith.

According to the National Eating Disorders Association, about 30 million Americans are affected by this disorder. Eating disorders are a large category of behavioral and physical illnesses regarding persistent and severely disordered eating habits as well as the thoughts and feelings related to one’s daily eating². The most common eating disorders include anorexia nervosa (obsessing about one’s weight and what one consumes), binge eating disorder (frequently consuming unusually large amounts of food in one sitting), and bulimia nervosa (binge eating followed by purging). Anyone, regardless of gender, age, sexual orientation, religion, body weight, health, or ethnicity, can be equally affected by one or a combination of eating disorders. As researchers and clinicians at the Stanford Muslim Mental Health and Islamic Psychology (MMHIP) Lab, we have gathered the most common myths about eating disorders and offer corrected responses that are aligned with both scientific and deen perspectives:

Myth #1: I can’t ever fast if I have a diagnosed eating disorder. 

Fact: Fasting with an eating disorder can be safe for some, but it can also be detrimental to the health and mental well-being of others. A trusted, upright medical professional who understands fasting, its purpose, and the ramifications of both fasting and its exemptions should be consulted before attempting to fast. This professional’s answer as to whether or not someone can fast will likely differ for a person who has had a long-standing eating disorder with few medical complications and has been able to fast safely under the careful supervision of a medical provider; as compared to a person with an acute eating disorder and multiple medical complications or sequelae. Ultimately, the decision to fast should be made after consultation with a medical provider who can provide a case-by-case assessment for each individual. 

For an individual that is given the recommendation to not fast, it is important to keep in mind the following: first, the Quranic injunction is clear pertaining to an individual’s abstaining from fasting as a result of sickness:

“Ramadan is the month in which the Quran was revealed as a guide for mankind with clear proofs of guidance and the standard [to distinguish between right and wrong]. So whoever witnesses this month, let them fast. But whoever is ill or traveling, then [they may fast] an equal number of days [after Ramadan]. Allah intends ease for you, not hardship, so that you may complete the prescribed period and proclaim the greatness of Allah for guiding you, and perhaps you will be grateful.”  [Surah Al-Baqarah 2:185]

An individual who is unable to fast as a result of either an acute or chronic illness should not feel guilt or as if they are deprived of reward. The famous narration of Umar states that the Prophet Muhammad said, “Certainly, actions are based on their intentions.”³ Scholars have commented that one who has the intent to fast but is unable to do so will receive the reward of fasting due to their pure intention. The verse also makes clear that the purpose of fasting is not for a person to undergo undue hardship or pain. Thus, risking one’s health would not be seen as meritorious nor commendable in Islam.

It is also essential that family and community members be cognizant of the risk factors associated with eating disorders and refrain from perpetuating tropes surrounding them. Judgemental comments about eating habits or body image can cause severe emotional and physical harm to an individual with an eating disorder, and avoiding such speech would fall in line with the prophetic teaching, “The one who believes in Allah and the Last day should speak good or remain silent.” [Bukhari, 6136]

Myth #2: I do not have control over my nafs [inner self] and will be sinning if I don’t fast because of my eating disorder. 

Fact: Struggling with an eating disorder, much like any condition, can be difficult and ultimately is a test from Allah, Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala. However, it is imperative to not shun oneself for not being able to fast during the month of Ramadan. It is neither a sign of weakness nor is it indicative of a lack of righteousness. One who is unable to fast due to illness should not ruminate on their inability to fast during Ramadan. Allah , in His Divine wisdom opens and closes the doors of worship in a manner that He deems appropriate for each of His servants. Allah , says,

“And when My servants ask you, [O Muhammad], concerning Me – indeed I am near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me. So let them respond to Me [by obedience] and believe in Me that they may be [rightly] guided.” [Surah Al-Baqarah 2:186]

Nearness in this verse is not accompanied by any precondition other than being a believer, so irrespective of age, gender, or health, one may find nearness to God in this blessed month through sincere intentions, steadfast actions, and a true longing. 

According to all four schools of Islamic jurisprudence, there are exemptions from fasting due to illness and travel. For example:

الفطر لمن خاف زيادة المرض أو بطء البرء

“It is permissible for one who is: ill, fears worsening of his illness, or a delay in recovery to not fast [in the month of Ramadan].” [Shurunbulali, 2010, p. 374] Likewise, a person who believes fasting will cause serious illness or risk death is required not to fast [Jazīrī, 2009, p. 766].

An alternative to fasting in these cases would be to pay the fidyah (expiation) which is given by one who is unable to fast due to illness and, in the case of a chronic illness, will unlikely be able to make up for their missed fasts at a later date. 

The Prophet Muhammad told his Companions, “Allah loves His concessions to be accepted just as He hates for acts of disobedience to be committed.” [Ahmad, 5832] It is out of Allah’s love and generosity that he provides an expiation to remove undue hardship and grants such a person the equivalent reward as if he or she engaged in the original act of worship. Individuals should consult their local imam or resident scholar to determine the best course of action to fit their circumstances. 

Myth #3: I can’t benefit from or have the same spiritual experience as other Muslims during Ramadan because I struggle with an eating disorder. 

Fact: Ramadan is a time during which Muslims seek to gain nearness to Allah , through acts of worship, community service, internal rectification, and supplication for mercy, forgiveness, and Providence. Fasting, though an imperative act of submission for one who is physically and psychologically capable, is not merely about deprivation of food, water, and relations with one’s spouse during the day – rather, it is an exoteric act of worship that is meant to bring about a spiritual change inside a person as denoted by the verse in Surah Baqarah:

“Oh believers! Fasting is prescribed for you, as it was for those that came before you, so that you may attain cognizance [of Allah].” [Surah Al-Baqarah 2:183]

From this verse, scholars have extrapolated the outcome of a successful believer’s Ramadan to be the ascension in nearness to Allah as a result of their increased God-consciousness. For one who is unable to fast during the month of Ramadan due to an eating disorder that could pose a risk to their health, fasting should not be seen as the only means to work towards increasing taqwa. The month of Ramadan is also an important time to reconnect with the Quran, as it is also referred to as the month of revelation [Surah Al-Bawarah 2:185]. The following is a short list of commendable acts of worship that one can partake in during the month that does not relate to matters of fasting or food: 

• Committing to reading a passage of the Quran every day (preferably with translation  for one who does not know Arabic) 

• Performing taraweeh [congregational night prayers]  

• Attending circles of learning, halaqaat, and seminars to increase one’s knowledge

• Listening to lectures/podcasts/digital content pertaining to Islam or the month of Ramadan (see Yaqeen Institute, Ramadan 2023 series)

• Performing sunnah or nafl I’tikaf during the last 10 nights of Ramadan

• Giving charity to support the needy, both locally and globally 

• Spending time serving and drawing closer to one’s family 
• Volunteering to support one’s community  

In addition, one can maximize time for worship and impart some restraint over the nafs by cutting down on screen time, minimizing futile conversations, and avoiding any major or minor sins throughout the month. Ramadan is a gift, thus every opportunity should be taken to maximize ibādah and neutralize distractions (Also see: How to Maximize Ramadan when not fasting.)  

Myth #4: If I know someone is struggling with an eating disorder, I shouldn’t invite them to iftars. 

Fact: This is not supported by research⁴ or lived experience⁵ and can actually be quite harmful to individuals struggling with eating disorders. It is important to remember that eating disorders are complex mental health conditions that are not simply a matter of willpower or self-control. For individuals with eating disorders, the pressure and anxiety around food and eating can be heightened during gatherings such as iftars⁶. However, this does not mean that individuals with eating disorders should be excluded from iftars or other social events. In fact, social support and connection to the community can be an important aspect of recovery for individuals with eating disorders⁷.

So, what can you do to be supportive and inclusive?

• Be sensitive and understanding: Recognize that eating disorders are serious mental health conditions and be mindful of the struggles that individuals may be facing. If you are unsure as to what is best for a particular individual, ask them. 
• Don’t focus on food: Instead of focusing on the food aspect of the iftar or suhoor, try to emphasize the social or religious aspects of the gathering. Try to make sure there are other activities to focus on besides eating, such as short reminders or halaqah, a communal dua’, or other similar activities. 
• Don’t force or take offense: Food and feeding people is a very big part of many Muslim cultures. Often, not eating when offered is seen as offensive. However, this practice, while well-intentioned, can be quite distressing and harmful to people struggling with eating disorders. Recognize that not everyone will want to or be able to eat the food you have served, and that is okay. Also, some people struggling with eating disorders may find it too challenging to accept an invitation for iftar or other similar events and may decline. That is also okay. Remember, it is the intention to feed and serve your invited guests that counts in the eyes of Allah , not the action itself.
• Offer alternative options: Consider offering a variety of food options or providing information about the types of food that will be served in advance so that individuals can plan accordingly. Some research shows that pre-planned meals can help reduce stress and anxiety around eating for individuals struggling with eating disorders⁸. 
• Avoid making comments about weight or appearance: Comments about weight or appearance should not be made to anyone, especially because, as we will discuss in the next myth – eating disorders do not always appear as the often stereotypical extremely slender young woman. You never know who is struggling with an eating disorder or other body image/mental health-related challenges. For those who do struggle with an eating disorder, these types of comments can be extremely triggering and harmful. With the right support and resources, individuals struggling with eating disorders can recover and enjoy the social and cultural traditions of this blessed time. 

Myth #5: Eating disorders only affect young women. 

Fact: While eating disorders are most common in young adults and women, eating disorders are not exclusive to young adults or women. 

Eating disorders affect people of all ages: Although eating disorders often develop in adolescence and young adulthood, they can occur at any age. According to the National Eating Disorders Association⁹, eating disorders affect an estimated 20 million women and 10 million men in the United States, and 13% of women over the age of 50 engage in eating disorder behaviors¹⁰. 

Eating disorders can affect men too: While eating disorders are more commonly associated with women, they can affect everyone. In fact, research suggests that up to 25% of individuals diagnosed with anorexia globally are male¹¹ and in the US alone, over 10 million men struggle with an eating disorder at some point in their life¹². Men and women struggle at equal rates with what is called subclinical disordered eating or a lesser (but still harmful) form of disordered eating which includes laxative abuse, unsafe and extended fasting, binge eating, and purging¹³. 

Eating disorders affect people of all races and ethnicities: Although eating disorders are often portrayed as affecting only white, young, middle-class women, research suggests that eating disorders affect people of all races and ethnicities¹⁴. Minority people with eating disorders are half as likely to be diagnosed or to receive treatment and some data showed that Asian American college students engaged in purging and other forms of disordered eating more than white or non-Asian, BIPOC college students¹⁵. 

Eating disorders affect Muslims too: An ISPU report showed that over 15% of Muslim youth in their study shared that they knew a fellow Muslim youth struggling with an eating disorder¹⁶. A study in Egypt found that over 75% of female college students reported struggling with disordered eating¹⁷. Research in Iran found that nearly 20% of high school students, both male and female, struggled with disordered eating¹⁸. Additionally, 35% of university students in Saudi Arabia, 10% of university students in Turkey, and 23% of middle and high school students in the UAE struggle with eating disorders¹⁹. 

Conclusion

Ramadan is not just about fasting, but it is also a time for self-reflection. This can be used as an opportunity to think of ways to become a better person overall. Most importantly, for those who are struggling with eating disorders, it is important to reach out for help and remember this is an illness, not a sign of weakness. To summarize the facts and recommendations above for those struggling with an eating disorder or have a loved one who is: 

• Muslims who suffer from an eating disorder should consult their physician before fasting. Fasting can create challenges and potential health risks if not approached correctly.

• Remember that mental illness does not make one a religious failure and there are other ways to connect with one’s faith during the month of Ramadan. 

• Help people understand that their eating disorder is a bona fide illness, and that they should not feel ashamed or guilty about it.

• Encourage your local imam to dedicate a lecture or Friday khutbah about this topic and other mental health concerns as they relate to Ramadan and fasting.

• Remind individuals that there are exemptions to fasting and that they should consult with a local scholar about giving out a fidyah if they cannot fast due to chronic illness, or how to make up fasts missed if one recovers from illness at a later time.

• Offer your professional medical care providers resources published by the Stanford MMHIP Lab about mental and physical health concerns while fasting.

Always remember that the purpose of gathering during Ramadan is to connect with and enjoy the companionship and fellowship of our brothers and sisters in Islam, not the food in and of itself. The recommendations shared above should be applied throughout the year, including during the two Eids and during other holidays or social events. Supporting individuals with eating disorders goes beyond Ramadan and should be year-round.

The most important step is recognizing the disordered eating habits and thoughts within yourself, and then informing a trusted family member, friend, adult, or mental health professional. If you are in a crisis and need help immediately, contact NEDA (National Eating Disorder Association) Helpline: (800) 931-2237 or text “NEDA” to 741741. 

Related reading:

– How To Maximize Ramadan When Not Fasting

– Chronic Illness and Ramadan: Coping Tips and Strategies

The post Eating Disorders And Ramadan: Debunking The Myths, Mechanisms To Cope appeared first on MuslimMatters.org.